Monday, June 4, 2007

EVERYone's A Comedian

I'm kind of all over the place today, so I apologize in advance. There's re-hashed yarn porn at the end!

OK, let's start with Massage Monday. Today a stretch....

This is a two part stretch.
Part 1 - Sit in your chair and look straight ahead. Slide your right hand, palm up, under your right thigh. Keep looking straight ahead and tilt your left ear straight down to your left shoulder. NO CHEATING... keep your left shoulder down. As with any stretch, you want to take it into a stretch, not into pain. (I'm talking to you, Rachel!)

Now, the second half of the stretch is simple. Keeping your head at the angle you've achieved with part one (left ear towards left shoulder), tuck your chin towards your right collarbone. You may feel this stretch down your back. This is fine.

Repeat on the other side. Hold each stretch for a good 10 seconds. Again, into a stretch, not into pain. Don't forget to breathe! When you get really good at this one, you can hang onto the underside of your chair instead of the underside of your thigh.

I've had some unexpected laughs this past week. Much needed ones, too. Last Wed. I had my orientation for Target. 5 hours. Ack! It was a lot of cheesy videos and paperwork. After the first hour, the General Manager of the store came in to meet/talk with us. His name is John and it was The John Show. The guy was super funny and had a game where we all had to tell him our name, last school attended, department we'd been hired for and favorite sugar cereal. The cereal had to come in a box (no Marshmallow Mateys) [sidebar: just googled that cereal to make a link. How weird is it that you can buy it on Amazon?] and once someone named a cereal it was off the table for everyone else. He also knew that the freeze-dried marshmallows in Lucky Charms are called Marbits and that Lucky Charms were the first to have them. There were 7 of us in orientation and I was picked 3rd to last. Cocoa Puffs are my favorite but were knocked out early so I went old school and chose Count Chocula. John said that's the best sugar cereal ever because not only do you get the chocolate milk, you also get the Marbits. He knows his cereals a little too well. Weird.

Then last weekend, our oldest came up with a couple of jokes on his own that were actually sorta funny! He's been interested in jokes for about two years now. Ever since his grandparents got them some Popsicles with jokes on the stick. You read the joke and the punchline is available further up the stick when the Popsicle is gone. He kept trying to come up with his own jokes but they never made sense so we finally bought him a little kid joke book. He calls it his "Ha Ha Ha book". OK, so two years later, he's making his own jokes and they finally make sense and are even funny!

First joke...
Needs a little back story. If you haven't seen the movie Cars, there's this little town and it's sorta rundown and the neon doesn't work. Well, around the middle of the movie, the neon gets fixed and there's a big party.
Trev said: When they had they're party, the cars can't play limbo. Do you know what they play?
Me: What?
Trev: Limo.
Of course, he's got to follow up so he makes sure you understand, "Get it? Limo? Like limousine."

The other joke...
Trev: What did the bed say to the kid?
Me: What?
Trev: I'm kidnapping you. Get it? Kid. Nap. Bed. Get it?
OK, that one was a bit dark. But he's six. Whaddya want?

I had my first day at Target yesterday and it was very trial by fire. But not too bad, really. I know that's contradictory, but if you know me, it's normal. I was left with a very nice older woman who showed me some stuff on the register at the 10 items or less line. Then after 1o minutes, she told me it was my turn. Another ten minutes and we are sent to register 5. The woman told me that 5 and 6 are the busiest registers. All. The. Time. And it's a Sunday, ya know. After another 30 minutes, her shift is up and she wishes me well and goes home. Holy crap, it was NON. STOP. I got one 15 minute break and then one 30 minute meal break. Other then that, I was a ringin' up fool. Good, I guess, made the time go faster. Only when I got home my feet and back were killing me. I beat up a tennis ball last night (newcomers need to look at past Massage Monday entries for that to make sense!).

There was a different older woman at the express register and in the occasional lulls, she kept telling me how I was rockin' and she was impressed with how well I was doing. Very sweet of here! But really, the registers they have, it's hard to screw up. I hate asking people if they want to apply for the Target card. Did you know it takes around 3 points off your credit score every time you apply for those store cards? Whether you get approved or not!

At my meal break, I ate and then got my knitting to work on for about 10 minutes before I had to go back to work. There was this man sitting next to me that literally exclaimed, "Hey!" when I pulled out the needles. He said, "My wife does.... [waves hand at knitting] that." I couldn't resist, I smiled and said, "Does what?" He said, "You know... [more hand waving and some knitting gestures] click, click, click. She made an afghan!" I thought it was funny his wife has this hobby that she does, "all the time" and he doesn't even know what it's called! He seemed pretty proud of her about it though! I told him he'd get major points if he went to the local yarn store and bought her a gift certificate. Gotta support the woman's habits! Especially since they are also my own.


The amazing Schaefer Anne sock yarn I won over at Nishanna's. Still can't believe she gave up this fiery awesomeness! I just love Nishanna's button with the classic painting of a girl knitting. The caption is priceless!

The-even-more-beautiful-since-it's-wound-up Fearless Fibers sock yarn. Can't wait to use these!

Still trying to figure out socks, Ruth!


uberstrickenfrau said...

Bummer for you to have to work retail, I did stints at Kinkos and Mervyns and Eddie Bauer, none which I look back on fondly. Really weird that guy knew cereal, but we all need our little hobbies...( I'm really random ain't I??)and kids humor is so existential when they are young- some times I just laugh anyway even though I haven't clue what the heck they are talking about. Come to think of it, I do that with EVERYTHING they say.....

Chris said...

Having a flashback to my own brief retail stint... At least the time goes fast, right??

Schaefer Anne is nice stuff to knit with, for socks, scarves, shawls... What are you going to do with it?

Nell said...

So cute that you're son is making up jokes. And I love the "get it?" part. Hilarious!

Good luck at Target. Hopefully everyone continues to be nice.

Brenda said...

Good luck with your job at Target! I hope everyone keeps being nice.

Pretty good jokes for a 6-yr old!

Lovely yarn! I'm looking forward to seeing what you knit with it.

sophanne said...

Jokes and kindergarten in combination is one of the best parts of my job. We do a whole music "thing" on elephants which involves question and answer and I use elephant jokes to make that concept clear.

The favorite jokes kids have told to me-

(from a first grader) A three-legged dog walked into a saloon and said, "I'm looking for the guy who shot my pa(w)."

(from a fourth grader) "Mrs. T, I went to bed last night reading a book about mufflers and when I woke up, I was exhausted." It was what got us through the end of the year that year, trying to teach puns to kids who weren't ready to get them.

Go Trev!