I will post pic's of the boys' costumes tomorrow.
Today I will post this link to Etsy.com's costume contest winners.
It's here.
Be sure to scroll through the whole thing or you'll miss the Smells Like Etsy Spirit lizard at the bottom. That, the Ewok, the baby shrimp and the killer cats are my favorites.
It's times like these that I'm happy I have other talents because people like that make me feel so banal and uncreative. They are amazing!
Happy Halloween, Ruth!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Heresy
Guess what I got to do this weekend…..
I took the “Combination Knitting and Cable W/O a Cabling Needle” class. It was such a blast! There were 19 women in the class (plus 3 more that didn’t show up) and Annie Modesitt is one very funny teacher.
The whole class was laughing most of the time. She’d use her body to demonstrate stitches and how they sat on the needles, she had huge wooden needles that she’d hold aloft and demonstrate knitting. And her analogies for the techniques were hilarious.
Her class had philosophy…
Annie Modesitt’s Rule of 5 - Give everything in your life at least 5 chances. With knitting, give it at least 5 rows
And recipes…
She says there’s a dip she loves and uses with Frito’s: Mix a little bit of chopped red onion with equal parts ketchup and peanut butter. Yes, the whole class was a little grossed out and she knew it but she said, “As gross as it sounds, someone in this class will go home and try and then let me know how good it is!”
And the information. Wow! Combination Knitting is wonderfully efficient and makes for a more even tension. If you find some “rowing” in your knitting, I highly suggest you learn this technique. “Rowing” isn’t something I’ve really had a problem with. It’s when the rows in your knitting, particularly stockinette stitch, look uneven. It’s usually because your purling is looser then your knitting. I also like Combo knitting because it takes less yarn, which means… more yarn for me, right? Whatever. Anyway, it’s a great technique.
The class went a little over the designated time frame and when I got home, I was all aglow. Dave said, “You’re never that happy at home!” I corrected him and told him that I AM that happy at home, but since he sees me every day and all day on the weekends, he forgets what it looks like. I told him that if I got out of the house more often (especially in the company of other knitters), he’d remember this happy face more often.
Now for the super-spectacular part of the day…
I got to give Annie a massage! Yes, I emailed her and asked if she’d like a massage Saturday after the classes and she said yes, that would be great! We emailed back and forth and settled on a trade. She gave me (I can’t even think about it without giggling madly) a private lesson!!!
I almost felt bad about it, she was tired and had had a long day already. She taught me all kinds of little things and she ended by showing me how to do an afterthought heel on a sock. The demo sock was one she was making for her son. The yarn was dark and she was having a hard time seeing the stitches she needed to pick up so I helped her (I was closer to the light). I helped Annie Modesitt make a sock! (just kiddin’)
She kept saying she felt like a charlatan showing me these small things and I said, “No way! It’s enormously helpful and I’m learning a lot!”
Then I got to give her a massage. That was so cool! I also felt like a charlatan. It was her first massage ever and while I am a pretty excellent massage therapist, a person’s first massage (with a few unfortunate episodes I’ve heard of) is usually awesome.
We talked and laughed and I, personally, had an excellent time. When we were done, she tipped me with wine, ice cream, her flip-books and this book (which she was gracious enough to sign for me).
What a day, what a night, what a fine time.
Still glowing, Ruth!
P. S. Yes, that's me wearing the Annie Modesitt designed sweater from Stitch and Bitch that I made. It's the first sweater I've made with sleeves! She said it looked really good on me, very flattering and I said it's because it's such a flattering design. (I'm such a geeky suck-up!)
I took the “Combination Knitting and Cable W/O a Cabling Needle” class. It was such a blast! There were 19 women in the class (plus 3 more that didn’t show up) and Annie Modesitt is one very funny teacher.
The whole class was laughing most of the time. She’d use her body to demonstrate stitches and how they sat on the needles, she had huge wooden needles that she’d hold aloft and demonstrate knitting. And her analogies for the techniques were hilarious.
Her class had philosophy…
Annie Modesitt’s Rule of 5 - Give everything in your life at least 5 chances. With knitting, give it at least 5 rows
And recipes…
She says there’s a dip she loves and uses with Frito’s: Mix a little bit of chopped red onion with equal parts ketchup and peanut butter. Yes, the whole class was a little grossed out and she knew it but she said, “As gross as it sounds, someone in this class will go home and try and then let me know how good it is!”
And the information. Wow! Combination Knitting is wonderfully efficient and makes for a more even tension. If you find some “rowing” in your knitting, I highly suggest you learn this technique. “Rowing” isn’t something I’ve really had a problem with. It’s when the rows in your knitting, particularly stockinette stitch, look uneven. It’s usually because your purling is looser then your knitting. I also like Combo knitting because it takes less yarn, which means… more yarn for me, right? Whatever. Anyway, it’s a great technique.
The class went a little over the designated time frame and when I got home, I was all aglow. Dave said, “You’re never that happy at home!” I corrected him and told him that I AM that happy at home, but since he sees me every day and all day on the weekends, he forgets what it looks like. I told him that if I got out of the house more often (especially in the company of other knitters), he’d remember this happy face more often.
Now for the super-spectacular part of the day…
I got to give Annie a massage! Yes, I emailed her and asked if she’d like a massage Saturday after the classes and she said yes, that would be great! We emailed back and forth and settled on a trade. She gave me (I can’t even think about it without giggling madly) a private lesson!!!
I almost felt bad about it, she was tired and had had a long day already. She taught me all kinds of little things and she ended by showing me how to do an afterthought heel on a sock. The demo sock was one she was making for her son. The yarn was dark and she was having a hard time seeing the stitches she needed to pick up so I helped her (I was closer to the light). I helped Annie Modesitt make a sock! (just kiddin’)
She kept saying she felt like a charlatan showing me these small things and I said, “No way! It’s enormously helpful and I’m learning a lot!”
Then I got to give her a massage. That was so cool! I also felt like a charlatan. It was her first massage ever and while I am a pretty excellent massage therapist, a person’s first massage (with a few unfortunate episodes I’ve heard of) is usually awesome.
We talked and laughed and I, personally, had an excellent time. When we were done, she tipped me with wine, ice cream, her flip-books and this book (which she was gracious enough to sign for me).
What a day, what a night, what a fine time.
Still glowing, Ruth!
P. S. Yes, that's me wearing the Annie Modesitt designed sweater from Stitch and Bitch that I made. It's the first sweater I've made with sleeves! She said it looked really good on me, very flattering and I said it's because it's such a flattering design. (I'm such a geeky suck-up!)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Daisies and Stash-Diving
I have a new favorite show! It's called Pushing Daisies. It's rather clever and very sweet. Dave thinks it's a bit dorky but he changed from the World Series slaughter to watch it with me! I agree, that yes, it's dorky but it's also, as I said, very sweet and in my opinion, there's a serious shortage of sweet things on TV these days!
Don't let my overuse of the word sweet turn you off, it's not syrupy or anything. It's presented like a fairy tale. Both in the use of a narrator and in how it's shot. It makes me think of the movie Big Fish (love that movie!).
And, another reason to be enamored of this show, the big, tough, manly detective guy...
KNITS!!
He does it to relieve stress and in the second episode, they show him knitting and the narrator explains his hobby. Later in the show, they show him wearing the vest (charcoal tweed, ribbed, zipper-front) and gun holsters he knitted for himself. Even later, he saves the day using one of his knitting needles!
Last night's episode, the detective guy and the not-dead, dead girl were having a slight argument about ambulance-chasing vs. just being concerned citizens. Detective guy says, "Where there's dead bodies, there's money and Daddy needs some new yarn."
Best. Show. Ever.
(You can catch up with full episodes here.)
Girl on the Rocks is having a fake Rheinbeck contest. It's for those of us who can't make it to the Festival and jealously covet all the new yarn there. She says to stash dive and re-discover something you already have and blog about it.
It's quite a coincidence because I had done that very deed just 2 days earlier! I was reading TammyKnits and how she'd purchased some Malabrigo to us for a Mr. Greenjeans sweater. I love that sweater and I have some Malabrigo that I purchased years ago! I bought three each of these two colors....
I bought them back in the early days of my knitting (2003) with the intention of felting them into a bag. Did someone just gasp? I know! Crazy, right? I was felting a lot back then. Something in me couldn't bring myself to felt those gorgeously dyed, super soft skeins. I've been hoarding them all these years, trying to find the right project where I could use both colors and the limited yardage I had (only 3 balls each @ something like 215 yards/skein).
Anyway, my plan is to use them for Mr. Greenjeans with the solid on top and the variegated on the cabley parts.
Swatching, Ruth!
Don't let my overuse of the word sweet turn you off, it's not syrupy or anything. It's presented like a fairy tale. Both in the use of a narrator and in how it's shot. It makes me think of the movie Big Fish (love that movie!).
And, another reason to be enamored of this show, the big, tough, manly detective guy...
KNITS!!
He does it to relieve stress and in the second episode, they show him knitting and the narrator explains his hobby. Later in the show, they show him wearing the vest (charcoal tweed, ribbed, zipper-front) and gun holsters he knitted for himself. Even later, he saves the day using one of his knitting needles!
Last night's episode, the detective guy and the not-dead, dead girl were having a slight argument about ambulance-chasing vs. just being concerned citizens. Detective guy says, "Where there's dead bodies, there's money and Daddy needs some new yarn."
Best. Show. Ever.
(You can catch up with full episodes here.)
Girl on the Rocks is having a fake Rheinbeck contest. It's for those of us who can't make it to the Festival and jealously covet all the new yarn there. She says to stash dive and re-discover something you already have and blog about it.
It's quite a coincidence because I had done that very deed just 2 days earlier! I was reading TammyKnits and how she'd purchased some Malabrigo to us for a Mr. Greenjeans sweater. I love that sweater and I have some Malabrigo that I purchased years ago! I bought three each of these two colors....
I bought them back in the early days of my knitting (2003) with the intention of felting them into a bag. Did someone just gasp? I know! Crazy, right? I was felting a lot back then. Something in me couldn't bring myself to felt those gorgeously dyed, super soft skeins. I've been hoarding them all these years, trying to find the right project where I could use both colors and the limited yardage I had (only 3 balls each @ something like 215 yards/skein).
Anyway, my plan is to use them for Mr. Greenjeans with the solid on top and the variegated on the cabley parts.
Swatching, Ruth!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Actual Fiber Content
I know, don't fall down. I told you I've been working on stuff! The thing is, two of the things I've finished (seriously, get up) are super-secret knitting.
Here's some other FO's...
I've finished a scarf. This one but in magenta.
I also joined a Morbid and Macabre swap and made these...
That second picture is supposed to be these ghosties. They came out of the washing machine looking like snakes! I tried to knit them but the needles kept falling out (DPNs. Not my strong suit.) so I made a crochet version using the same numbers used in the knit version. hmmm. Didn't quite come out the same. sigh. All 3 ghostsnakes and the skull took a little under 2 hours to make!
So that's actually seven FO's! But only 3 that I have pictures of.
Then there's this...
My first ever custom made yarn! I'm such a geek that I had some yarn made to match my favorite bag. But only because I was also buying this DPN holder that also matches!
Red Corset Designs rocks! She makes custom color yarn and gorgeous needle holders. The DPN roll was only $15. My only irk is that it holds my 6" DPN's perfectly but my 8" ones are still roaming free. But the thing's so pretty, who cares!
Feeling pretty, Ruth!
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Feather or The Hammer
When I was in massage school, our Sports Massage teacher told us the tale of The Feather or The Hammer. It's a cautionary tale. It basically says if your body is trying to tell you something, you should listen. 
The body generally knows what it needs. If you are overworking or stressing out, the body is going to get fatigued and you may feel a bit clumsy. These are signs your body is sending your way telling you that you need to slow down and take a break. That's the feather. If you don't listen and keep on pushing yourself too hard.... you get the hammer. The hammer can come in the form of a heart attack, a car accident (clumsiness accelerated), the flu.... you get the idea. At that point your body HAS to stop and slow down and take it easy.
When I used to work at the spa, at least once a week, I'd get some over-achiever, type A executive (or stay-at-home mom, or chef or whatever). With executive types, I'd always wonder to myself, "What's it all for really?" These people work 60+ hours a week, travel away from home all the time and for what? "For money", is a popular answer. Money for what? To have a better life? A bigger house? To be able to buy things and travel to exotic places? To have better, bigger things for their family? Great retirement?
OK. Let's look at that. Better life - too busy and never around to enjoy it. Bigger house - too busy and never around to enjoy it. Buy things and travel - how many things do you need [she says with a basement full of yarn] and the only travelling they do is for their high-stress job. Bigger, better things for their family - yea, pretty sure the family would rather have the person around then the things they buy.
Great retirement - the other problem with this is that these people spend 20+ years (usually more like 30 years) in GO mode. When it comes time to retire (if they live that long), they can't stop. They've been going constantly for so long, they have no idea how to shut off. This is also where the increasing older couple divorce rate happens - the CEO is suddenly home. All. The. Time. They don't know how to relax so they either try to boss their spouse around or they are constantly in their spouses space (which, by this time the spouse is used to and wants to keep) needing something to do. "What can I do? What should I do? What are you doing? Entertain me," is SO not attractive!
As to the Stay-At-Home people - take a break. Most over-achievers in this arena rarely take the time for themselves. And that includes taking care of themselves. They are constantly on the go (creating On The Go kids for the next generation of stress-monkeys) and they forget to eat or relax or... breathe. They need to remember that if they get sick (the hammer) then they are no good to anyone. Especially themselves. Also, if they do everything for everyone, how can the birds leave the nest? These little fledglings will never learn to do for themselves and will keep coming home and then SAH overachievers have to clean up messes all their lives (which is maybe the point with some?). Well, that's actually a rant for another day...
As knitters (and yes, I have been knitting - I'll show y'all some, someday!), we tend to take lots of time for ourselves - even while we are working or taking care of our families. The feather and the hammer doesn't seem to be as much of an issue with us. Feather and Fan - now that's something else!
But take a look at your daily dealings. See if you are taking the time you need to rest and be well and happy.
Like this....
Otherwise, you may just wipe out while doing your favorite activities. Like this...
Remembering to breathe, Ruth!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Pumpkin Eater
Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater
I don't understand cheating. It seems so stupid and unnecessary. I think if someone feels they need to cheat, they shouldn't. They should either fix what they have or get out of it.
I had a client in Tucson, (we'll call him F). F's friend (we'll call him B) was calling him daily for about 2 weeks. And F would call this B a lot, too. B's wife cheated on him and eventually left him for a younger guy. B was damn near suicidal (hence all the phone calls). They had grown children who were also upset about the whole thing.
F says my "fix it or get out" theory is oversimplifying the matter. I don't see how. Once you feel you need to start looking elsewhere for the love or companionship or sex or whatever you feel you need, shouldn't you stop and take a good, long look at what you're already in??
I can't stand to hear people say, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Especially when used to justify cheating. That's such bullshit! It's a cop out of a statement anyway, but when used to justify cheating, it's twice as stupid. You absolutely can help it. If you don't flirt or go on a date or to a motel with someone, there's really no shot of falling in love with them. Is there? It's not like your car slipping on black ice and hitting a tree or like stepping in a puddle you didn't see (that's not a gross euphemism. Ew, now it is!). To cheat is a lot of damn work. All the lying and sneaking and covering one's tracks! (OK, that sounds like my yarn stash. jk) It's not something that happens by accident.
I'm not blameless. I've cheated twice in my life. Once when I was 19 and once when I was 23. Both times it was a revenge cheat (I was cheated on and then I went and purposely cheated to get back at him). Both times, after the revenge cheat, I realized how stupid it was and just dumped the guy that cheated on me. Both times, I didn't tell the guy who cheated on me that I revenge cheated.
When I was stationed in Germany, I spent most of my tour at a base where the ratio of men to women was 100:1. (Good times!) Whenever I dated a guy, I would tell him, "Look, nobody's here long enough to get serious. I'm going to be dating other people and you can, too. If you can't handle that, then we can't go out." Some could handle it, some couldn't. Either way, I was honest upfront and no one got hurt. I did get a little serious about a couple of guys in the 2 years I was over there and then I'd stop seeing other people.
My friend Elizabeth got stationed in Korea (also 100:1, they call that tour "Queen for a year"). While there, she became friends with "Stacy". Stacy was heavily involved with "Brad". Brad got sent stateside and begged Stacy to get herself stationed at the same base (Ft. Campbell). She had to do a lot of maneuvering but managed it. She also found out, about a month after he left, that she was pregnant with his child. She called him and told him and he was ecstatic and asked her to marry him. Sent her a ring and everything! Well, it was about 5 months before her tour in Korea was up. She arrived at Ft. Campbell, pregnant and excited to see her fiance. Only she couldn't find him. The unit he was with didn't exist, he wasn't returning her phone calls and he was nowhere to be found!
I was out at Ft. Campbell helping Elizabeth with her own baby when all three of us found Brad. We were at the Commissary together (that's the grocery store on post) and all of a sudden Stacy's eyes lit up. "Brad!", she shouted and ran over to him hugging and kissing him and crying and asking where the hell he'd been and generally making a very happy scene.
Until his wife and 3 kids came around the corner.
This is seriously one of the biggest WTF?? stories I've got. Why would he go to all that trouble trying to get her to be stationed with him when he had no intention of being with her?? That day at the Commissary, he tried to pretend like he didn't even know her and that she was just some crazy pregnant chick! But Elizabeth knew them both (and the whole story) and set him and his wife straight. What a mess.
Happy ending for Stacy, though. She went on to meet a man while she was still pregnant and he loved her and accepted her (and, equally important, accepted her baby). They went on to get married and had another child together, last I heard.
This rant brought to you by a dream I had this morning of Dave cheating. It was really messed up because I couldn't move out and had to live in the basement! Clearly I'm insane. sigh.
Still irritated with Dave even though it was a dream, Ruth!
I don't understand cheating. It seems so stupid and unnecessary. I think if someone feels they need to cheat, they shouldn't. They should either fix what they have or get out of it.
I had a client in Tucson, (we'll call him F). F's friend (we'll call him B) was calling him daily for about 2 weeks. And F would call this B a lot, too. B's wife cheated on him and eventually left him for a younger guy. B was damn near suicidal (hence all the phone calls). They had grown children who were also upset about the whole thing.
F says my "fix it or get out" theory is oversimplifying the matter. I don't see how. Once you feel you need to start looking elsewhere for the love or companionship or sex or whatever you feel you need, shouldn't you stop and take a good, long look at what you're already in??
I can't stand to hear people say, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Especially when used to justify cheating. That's such bullshit! It's a cop out of a statement anyway, but when used to justify cheating, it's twice as stupid. You absolutely can help it. If you don't flirt or go on a date or to a motel with someone, there's really no shot of falling in love with them. Is there? It's not like your car slipping on black ice and hitting a tree or like stepping in a puddle you didn't see (that's not a gross euphemism. Ew, now it is!). To cheat is a lot of damn work. All the lying and sneaking and covering one's tracks! (OK, that sounds like my yarn stash. jk) It's not something that happens by accident.
I'm not blameless. I've cheated twice in my life. Once when I was 19 and once when I was 23. Both times it was a revenge cheat (I was cheated on and then I went and purposely cheated to get back at him). Both times, after the revenge cheat, I realized how stupid it was and just dumped the guy that cheated on me. Both times, I didn't tell the guy who cheated on me that I revenge cheated.
When I was stationed in Germany, I spent most of my tour at a base where the ratio of men to women was 100:1. (Good times!) Whenever I dated a guy, I would tell him, "Look, nobody's here long enough to get serious. I'm going to be dating other people and you can, too. If you can't handle that, then we can't go out." Some could handle it, some couldn't. Either way, I was honest upfront and no one got hurt. I did get a little serious about a couple of guys in the 2 years I was over there and then I'd stop seeing other people.
My friend Elizabeth got stationed in Korea (also 100:1, they call that tour "Queen for a year"). While there, she became friends with "Stacy". Stacy was heavily involved with "Brad". Brad got sent stateside and begged Stacy to get herself stationed at the same base (Ft. Campbell). She had to do a lot of maneuvering but managed it. She also found out, about a month after he left, that she was pregnant with his child. She called him and told him and he was ecstatic and asked her to marry him. Sent her a ring and everything! Well, it was about 5 months before her tour in Korea was up. She arrived at Ft. Campbell, pregnant and excited to see her fiance. Only she couldn't find him. The unit he was with didn't exist, he wasn't returning her phone calls and he was nowhere to be found!
I was out at Ft. Campbell helping Elizabeth with her own baby when all three of us found Brad. We were at the Commissary together (that's the grocery store on post) and all of a sudden Stacy's eyes lit up. "Brad!", she shouted and ran over to him hugging and kissing him and crying and asking where the hell he'd been and generally making a very happy scene.
Until his wife and 3 kids came around the corner.
This is seriously one of the biggest WTF?? stories I've got. Why would he go to all that trouble trying to get her to be stationed with him when he had no intention of being with her?? That day at the Commissary, he tried to pretend like he didn't even know her and that she was just some crazy pregnant chick! But Elizabeth knew them both (and the whole story) and set him and his wife straight. What a mess.
Happy ending for Stacy, though. She went on to meet a man while she was still pregnant and he loved her and accepted her (and, equally important, accepted her baby). They went on to get married and had another child together, last I heard.
This rant brought to you by a dream I had this morning of Dave cheating. It was really messed up because I couldn't move out and had to live in the basement! Clearly I'm insane. sigh.
Still irritated with Dave even though it was a dream, Ruth!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Conversations With The Boys
This morning after running errands, Davis was sitting in the backseat reading a book when he said rather sadly, "I wish I was young again." He's 4.
I asked how young did he want to be and he said: 1.
Me: Why 1?
Davis: Because it's more fun when you're 1.
Me: How so? Aren't you having fun now?
Davis: No. Too many errands.
Here's some other things the boys have said lately...
Conversation with Trevor on the way home from school yesterday…
T: Mom, when I grow up and move out, I’ll meet you all the time.
Me: Of course! I’d love that.
T: We can eat if you want.
Me: Sure, we’ll go to lunch. Where should we go?
T: We can go anywhere because when I’m all grown I will like all the vegetables and fruits
Me: Really? Even broccoli?
T: Yes and radishes too
Me: You know, Davis tried a radish yesterday and he liked it, you should try one and see if you like it
T: OK. It’s got apple skin and onion inside
Me: Does it? I didn’t know!
When we got home, Gma asked me when Trev’s next vacation from school,
he said: Saturday and Sunday.
Dave: Hey Trev, the Phillies are playing the Rockies
Trev: Go Rockies!
Dave: Do you know what Phillies are?
Trev: It’s what you put in donuts.
Conversations with Davis
D: Someday can we go to Texas?
Me: Sure, honey. Why do you want to go to Texas?
D: To pet horses. Because there’s horses in Texas.
Me: That’s right! There are horses in Texas. There’s horses here, too. Did you know that?
D: (pauses to really ponder this) Well… the really good ones are in Texas
Davis came into the bathroom while I was using it. This happens all the time but if I'm doing more then just peeing I tell him to beat it because I need a privacy (which is what the boys say when they want to be alone, "I need a privacy". Or in Davie's case, "I need a piracy.").
Davis said: No. I'm going to stay to help you.
Me: Thanks, but I'm OK.
Davis: No. You need help.
Me: Kid, you have no idea...
So he stayed. Sat on the floor and read a book. sigh.
Still laughing, Ruth!
I asked how young did he want to be and he said: 1.
Me: Why 1?
Davis: Because it's more fun when you're 1.
Me: How so? Aren't you having fun now?
Davis: No. Too many errands.
Here's some other things the boys have said lately...
Conversation with Trevor on the way home from school yesterday…
T: Mom, when I grow up and move out, I’ll meet you all the time.
Me: Of course! I’d love that.
T: We can eat if you want.
Me: Sure, we’ll go to lunch. Where should we go?
T: We can go anywhere because when I’m all grown I will like all the vegetables and fruits
Me: Really? Even broccoli?
T: Yes and radishes too
Me: You know, Davis tried a radish yesterday and he liked it, you should try one and see if you like it
T: OK. It’s got apple skin and onion inside
Me: Does it? I didn’t know!
When we got home, Gma asked me when Trev’s next vacation from school,
he said: Saturday and Sunday.
Dave: Hey Trev, the Phillies are playing the Rockies
Trev: Go Rockies!
Dave: Do you know what Phillies are?
Trev: It’s what you put in donuts.
Conversations with Davis
D: Someday can we go to Texas?
Me: Sure, honey. Why do you want to go to Texas?
D: To pet horses. Because there’s horses in Texas.
Me: That’s right! There are horses in Texas. There’s horses here, too. Did you know that?
D: (pauses to really ponder this) Well… the really good ones are in Texas
Davis came into the bathroom while I was using it. This happens all the time but if I'm doing more then just peeing I tell him to beat it because I need a privacy (which is what the boys say when they want to be alone, "I need a privacy". Or in Davie's case, "I need a piracy.").
Davis said: No. I'm going to stay to help you.
Me: Thanks, but I'm OK.
Davis: No. You need help.
Me: Kid, you have no idea...
So he stayed. Sat on the floor and read a book. sigh.
Still laughing, Ruth!
100 Books
I'm doing this all in one so I can put it over on the side. If you've already read the 5 part series where I broke this down in to easier to chew segments, skip on to the next post!
100 Books
I’m going to stick to books I’ve read. I’ll try to give authors as I remember them, but I’m really bad at remembering author names.
Childhood Favorites
1. Robin Hood – Howard Pyle. - This is the first book that had me sobbing like a baby. My mom came into the room and was shocked to see me crying so hard, “What happened??” I could only hold up the book and say, “They killed him!” (Sorry if that’s a spoiler.)
2. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll. - This is one of my all-time favorites. In high school, I did this huge paper on it. That’s when I learned that Alice is a children’s book like The Simpsons is a children’s cartoon. It was written as a satire of the socio-economic and political layout of English society. Oddly, this didn’t ruin it for me, if anything, it made it all the more interesting, adding another layer to its wonder.
3. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkein. - It took me three tries to get through this book. I was in 6th grade and had heard that some people read 2 or more books at the same time. I gave it a shot and didn’t like doing that. When I finally went to reading one at a time, I read all the way through this amazing book.
4. Where the Red Fern Grows – My 6th grade teacher (who was a rookie, first year teacher and one of my best teachers ever) read this to the class. If you haven’t read it… well, it doesn’t end well. The whole class was crying (even the boys!) and we were asking him, “Why would you read this to us???” But honestly, it’s a great book.
5. Complete Fairy Tales – The Brothers Grimm – I still read these. All the time.
6. Aesop’s Fables – I still read these all the time, too.
7. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas – I love Dumas. He’s always a good read. His books are full of adventure and are peppered with humor so things don’t get too dark.
8. Little Women – This book always gets me. I love the main character’s strength and attitude.
9. Little Men – Another great book!
10. Little House on the Prairie – Laura Ingalls Wilder – anything by her is fine by me! I used to wear this Laura Ingalls dress my grandma sewed for me while I read these books. I wore that dress well past the time I grew out of it!
11. Heidi – Johanna Spyri – Such a sweet story. When I read it now, as an adult, it’s almost too sweet! I highly recommend doing that; going back and reading your favorite childhood books as an adult. It gives such great nostalgic memories and an all new perspective.
12. Just So Stories – Rudyard Kipling – what an imagination this man has!
13. Anderson’s Fairy Tales – I’m a sucker for any fairy tales!
14. Treasure Island – Johann David Wyss – Adventure unsurpassed…
15. The Swiss Family Robinson – Robert Louis Stevenson – what a resourceful family!
16. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens – they say that imitation is the best form of flattery. How many ways has this wonderful tale been redone?!
17. Good Night Moon – Margaret Wise Brown – this book is a favorite of me and my kids. Even just the words she used are soft and gentle and like a written lullaby.
18. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl – what an amazing imagination this man has!
19. ? – Here’s my first mystery book – I read a book in 6th grade about Sirius, the dog star being framed for a crime and cast out of the sky (in the book, the stars are actually sentient beings, aliens of sorts). In a burst of irony, the other stars send him to earth to live as a dog. He ends up with these two little kids who live in an abusive family. He protects them and loves them and earns his way back into the sky where he clears his name. I read it a few times and wish I could remember who wrote it or what it was called.
20. ? – Second mystery book – this one, also read around 6th grade, was a fantasy book. These 3 kids go to live with their uncle and in his attic they find a bunch or TV sets. They turn one on and a sinister man seems to be looking at them. They go to turn it off and realize it’s not plugged in. Then all the TV’s turn on (none are plugged in) and the kids get sucked into the TV’s. They land in a world of sorcery and such and have to find each other and make their way back. (I know, it’s reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia). It was a really good book that I read several times and I can’t remember the name!
21. The Chronicles of Narnia – I read all these just this year. I’ve had a really beautiful set of the series for about ten years. What fantastic tales!
Required School Reading
22. To Kill a Mockingbird – One of the finest books in American Literature.
23. Wuthering Heights – Dark but beautiful.
24. Lord of the Flies – Dark but sinister. JK. It’s a fascinating read – how the boys develop their own culture and degenerate into near-animals.
25. The Color Purple – Alice Walker – I just recently mailed a copy of this out for a Banned Book Swap. It was banned when it came out and I was in high school. Near as I can tell, it was banned because of the love affair btw two women. I was in the Advanced English class and our teacher had us read it anyway. It’s still one of my all-time favorite books.
26. Candide – Voltaire – What a trip. A very good book and metaphor for how things are as compared to how they should be.
27. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou – Wow. She is an amazing writer. What beauty, what strength. I’ve read all of her stuff, too.
28. Go Ask Alice – Anonymous – OK, this wasn’t “required” reading. More like somebody read it, and we all sneaked around reading it after they told us what was in it. For me, this book confirmed my decision not to get into drugs (I’ve experimented but it was never my thing). What a fucked up life this girl got into!
29. Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury – One of those really scary books when you realize how easily that world could be our world. Like #72
30. Watership Down – Richard Adams – Talk about depth of character! This book is an amazing analogy of human relationships and life.
31. The Taming of the Shrew – Shakespeare – I will read Shakespeare at least once a year. His comedies are funny and racy and he’s incredible. Someday, I’m going to get a nice leather bound set of his works.
32. Shakespeare’s Insults – OK, this wasn’t required school reading, I went and found it on my own. Yea, I’m a geek, so what. This book is comprehensive but not very well organized. My favorite insult is, “You crusty botch of nature.”
33. Suddenly Last Summer – Tennessee Williams – Wow. Homosexuality, cannibalism, unhealthy mother-son relationship. Wow. I love Tennessee Wms; he goes to the edge and jumps off!
34. The Once and Future King – What a fantastic tale. It’s the story of King Arthur and it’s ripe with humor and adventure and poignancy.
35. The Importance of Being Earnest – Oscar Wilde – another favorite author. Damn he’s funny! A razor wit.
36. Memoirs of a Tall Girl – I read this in Jr. High School and liked it so much, I actually stole it from the library and still have it! (I should send that school a copy to replace it.)
37. The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison – What a sad story. Beautiful, though.
Scary Stuff
38. The Stand – Stephen King. – Anything by this man is fine by me but this is my favorite.
39. The Skeleton Crew – Stephen King. – This book of short stories was given to me in 8th grade by my best friend, Nikie. It’s what got me started with Stephen King. I’ve read it so many times, I can tell you from memory the order the stories come. Nikie and I are still close and 8th grade for us was in the early-80’s.
40. The Great and Secret Show – Clive Barker. – What a fantastic scary fairy tale of a story.
41. Coraline – Neil Gaiman. – A “children’s” book. A fantastic, dark, sinister story that one critic called the next Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if the critic read either book! While I would read Alice to my little boys, I think Coraline would be too scary.
42. Ripper – Michael Slade – When I was stationed at Ft. Huachuca, I got a second job at a Hasting’s Book Store. I spent most of that paycheck at the store. I had just finished reading some really heavy, long book (can’t even remember what it was) and wanted something light and stupid. I went to my favorite section (the scary books) and was drawn by the red spine that said “Ripper”. Holy shit. What an excellent read. Not really light and fluffy at all and certainly not stupid. It was good enough that I’ve read all the other Michael Slade books. It’s a locked door mystery combining serial killer, detective, and all kinds of other stuff. Reminiscent of the next pick…
43. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie – Love this book. I read a ton and watch a shitload of TV and movies (old b/w’s, new, doesn’t matter) so it’s hard to surprise me (nothing new under the sun, right?) but the ending on this one shocked me. Brilliant!
44. The Bone-collector – Jeffrey Deaver – another one that was good enough to lead me to read most everything the author has written.
45. The Devil’s Teardrop – Jeffrey Deaver – I think this is his best one yet.
46. Primal Fear – excellent twists and turns. Amazing.
47. The Da Vinci Code – OK, not scary, more of a thriller but damn what a fast read! I’m glad I read this before his previous book. When I read Angels and Demons by him, it was a real letdown and like reading déjà vu. Let’s see, someone gets murdered, they call the symbologist, the girl in the book is related to the dead guy, the person doing the killings doesn’t know who’s really pulling the strings and they’re all really, really smart. The only difference is that Angels/Demons wasn’t paced at the breakneck speed Da Vinci Code was. The rest of the authors books are pretty damn good, too.
48. Dracula – Bram Stoker – read this one in high school. The first scary book I ever read where I actually had to put it down and take a break. Heart-racing! (Of course, I was in adolescence…)
49. The Hunger – Whitley Streiber – this book is an excellent read. It’s also quite racy at times! It’s a great take on the classic vampire story.
50. The Last Vampire – Whitley Streiber – This sequel to The Hunger was written some 20 years after. Another good read but I wish the author had re-read his original before he made the sequel. I read them back-to-back and there were tons of discrepancies between the two books concerning the main vampire’s life!
51. The Thief of Always – Clive Barker – This, like Coraline (#41), could almost be read to kids as a scary fairy tale.
52. Red Dragon – Thomas Harris – No fairy tale here! Like Grisham, Thomas Harris’ first book is still his best.
53. Haunted – Chuck Palahniuk – This book was so gruesome, I actually got nauseous a couple of times. I have an iron stomach so that’s pretty bad.
54. Funeral March – Frank de Felita – This author is much better known for his book-turned-movie For Love of Audrey Rose. The book I’ve listed is a perfect blend for me. My favorite director is Alfred Hitchcock and in this book the killer uses his movies as inspiration for his methods of killing. (OK, I have problems!)
55. Jurassic Park – Michael Crichton – what a nail-biter!
56. Rose Madder – Stephen King – this is one of my favorites from him. It switches between this world and another. I always thought that if they made it into a movie, the other world should be animated. Not cartoony, but like sharp and gritty animation.
Short Stories
57. The Turn of the Screw (and other stories) – Henry James – this author is a sinister MF!
58. Hot Blood – I’ve read every bit of this series that I could get my greedy little hands on. These short stories combine sex and horror. Some are disgusting, some gruesome, some really scary, some funny, all good!
59. The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman – This woman at the turn of the century (1800 to 1900) is told she is “hysterical”. Basically, everyone keeps telling her she’s insane and eventually it drives her… insane. It’s a disturbing look at how women were discounted and ignored.
60. Different Seasons – Stephen King – I know, I know, “Again with the Stephen King!” This was, as far as I know, his first foray into something not scary. It’s 4 novellas and three of them were eventually made into movies – Shawshank Redemption (awesome!), Stand By Me (fantastic! Different title from the story in the book) and Apt Pupil (story was creepy and perfect, movie sucked)
61. Dark Visions – a collection of spooky stories from some pretty big name writers
62. Under the Fang – This collection has a really great concept. The editor asked a bunch of different authors to write stories based on this premise: What if vampires ruled the world? The different points of views are very interesting. Great stories!
Chick Lit
63. Phantom – Susan Kay – Top 5 All-Time Favorites. I actually am lucky enough to have a friend who saw a first edition of this and snagged it for me because he knew how much I liked it. It changes point of view throughout the book from character to character. And such depth of character is hard to find.
64. The Ha-Ha – Dave King – this is one of my most recent reads. I read on a blog-friend’s site about it. She couldn’t describe the plot (neither can I) only how much the book moved her. It’s the first book I’ve ever read that I knew nothing about beforehand. Get it. Today.
65. Poison – Kathryn Harrison – another hard one to describe, plot-wise. A woman is in the dungeon in Spain, through a series of events brought around by the Spanish Inquisition. Another woman is the new and very young, queen of Spain. I kept waiting for their lives to intersect but they never did. I guess the main point was that through no fault of their own, they were prisoners. It was good enough that I went and bought all Kathryn Harrison’s books!
66. The Joy Luck Club – Amy Tan – love Ms. Tan. She nails the dynamic between mother and daughter, past and present like no one else.
67. The Kitchen God’s Wife – Amy Tan – see #66. I think I like this one best out of all I’ve read of Amy Tan.
68. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold – goddamn this was hard to read. This girl gets killed (I’m not spoiling anything here, it happens pretty early) and tells the story from heaven as she watches how her family deals with her death. By page 70, I’d already cried 4 times. This is not one to read too soon after having a baby, just sayin’. But I adore the author’s version of heaven.
69. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden – This book is so beautifully written. It was so real, it read like non-fiction. I couldn’t believe this was written by a man (no offense). Stunning.
70. The Red Tent – Anita Diamant – Also beautifully written. With the first paragraph, you just sigh and give in and are happy to be there. It’s funny and painful and enormously moving.
71. The Ya-Ya Sisterhood – A touching, lovely, light read.
72. A Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood – Some scary shit. Another one where you can see how easily this fictitious world could become real. And how unfortunate that it DID become real (read #86 after you read this one)
73. Wicked – Gregory MacGuire – I bought this book because I thought it was going to be a parody of sorts. The cover mentioned something about it being The Wizard of Oz from the witch’s point of view. Not parody. At. All. It’s a whole socio-political landscape of Oz. And yes, primarily from the Witch’s point of view. So. Good!
74. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell – I pulled this one off the shelf so many times, looked at how thick it was… and put it back. When I finally started reading it, by page 36 I was completely hooked. What a fantastic read. Don’t bother with the “sequel”, Scarlett. It was written by someone else using Margaret Mitchell’s notes. It sucked ASS! And the ending – WTF?? It seemed like the author’s deadline sneaked up on her because she finally has all these really great plot-lines going and she just kills everyone off and then Scarlett and Rhett ride off into the sunset. I know that’s a spoiler but, trust me, I’m doing you a favor.
75. Fried Green Tomatoes – One of the few books I read after I saw the movie. Fantastic!
76. Black and Blue – Anna Quindlen – Great story of strength and survival.
Other
77. The Life of Pi – Yann Martel – another one written like it’s a true story. Loved it.
78. Lamb, The Gospel According to Bif, Christ’s Childhood Friend – Christopher Moore – this is easily one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It “covers” the years of Jesus’ life missing in the Bible. Another book that led me to buy all this author has to offer.
79. Letters From Earth – Mark Twain – ohmigod, this is hysterical! I love Twain’s views on religion.
80. Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book – Read it. Every day.
81. A Time to Kill – John Grisham – I’ve read a lot of Grisham and this, his first book, is by far his best. That’s not to say the others aren’t great, they are, but they’ll never reach what he accomplished in this one.
82. The Constant Gardner – John Le Carre – I had the hardest time getting into this book but eventually it took off and was a great read.
83. Cider House Rules – John Irving – What a great book. Real depth of character (I mention that a lot, but it’s surprisingly hard to find.) Leads me to want to read all of his stuff.
Non-Fiction
84. Mindhunter – John Douglas and Mark Olshaker – (Olshaker likes “hunter” titles, he also helped write Virus Hunter). If you don’t agree with the death penalty, read this book. It’ll change your mind. Not through political nonsense, but just by realizing there are people out there who need to be put down like rabid dogs. (I already agreed with the death penalty before I read it.)
85. Between Heaven and Earth - Harriet Beinfield and Efrem Korn – This is a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine and its 5 Element Theory. I love this book. It breaks it down into laymen’s terms and is very comprehensive. You need to read it with a grain of salt, though. When Harriet became an acupuncturist, her surgeon father and surgeon grandfather were… not very understanding. She has a rather embittered view of Western medicine. There’s a test in the book to let you know which element you’re most like.
86. Reading Lolita in Tehran – Like A Handmaid’s Tale come to life. So sad and moving and scary. Moves slow sometimes but worth sticking with it.
87. History of God – Karen Armstrong – This should be required reading before anyone is allowed/forced to choose a religion. It covers the big three – Christianity, Judaism, and Muslim
88. Believing It All – Marc Parent – I read a ton of “parenting” books when I was pregnant the first time. This one blew them all away and isn’t even sold as a parenting book. The author’s description to his little boy of what death is, is perfect and beautiful.
89. Operating Instructions – Anne Lamott – Same as Believing It All but in a different way. A great view of what it’s like to have a baby. True and almost scary! This is the truest description of the first year of life after having a baby that I’ve ever read.
90. For the Defense – Ellis Ruben – This book is about the author’s most famous cases as a lawyer. He was the lawyer for the famous Twinkie Defense (google it). It’s a very interesting story and includes a lot about the author’s young life. One of his best friends from childhood is Rod Serling!
91. The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff – This book went along way in making my life better. It’s a fun read with a lot of knowledge.
92. The Te of Piglet – Benjamin Hoff – This sequel to the Tao of Pooh is among my top 5 All-Time Favorites. I re-read it at least once a year.
93. The People’s Almanac – Great bathroom reading (don’t judge, most everyone does it!). It’s informative and fascinating.
94. The Children of the Flames – I read this book at a time when I thought my life was shit. I was depressed and unhappy, had no plan for my future and was stuck in a mire of self-pity and wallowing. I happened upon this book and it really made me pull my head out of my ass. It’s about the twins at Auschwitz and the experiments they were put through. We (you, me, and everyone born in America) have it so easy.
95. America – The Daily Show – Hysterical! And a little sad.
96. Jesus and Buddha – On the left page is a quote from Jesus. On the right page is a quote from Buddha, said almost 2000 years before Jesus. They are usually almost identical. Very interesting.
97. Naked – David Sedaris – ohmigod! This guy makes me laugh my ASS off! He’s hysterical and sometimes poignant and this book is another that prompted me to go buy the rest of his stuff. Even better, get it on audiobook. I can’t stop laughing, just thinking about his stuff!
98. The Black Dahlia Avenger – Steve Hodel – the author gives a pretty convincing argument that his own father is the Black Dahlia killer as well as the killer for several other unsolved murders of the time. A bit hard to get through (slow sometimes) but worth it.
99. Seabiscuit: An American Legend – Laura Hillenbrand – An inspiring, lovely story.
100 - Stitch and Bitch – Debbie Stoller – I had a friend teach me to knit. Then I went and bought this book for reinforcement. It covers the basics incredibly well and with a tongue-in-cheek attitude that’s never boring. Also, tons of great, basic patterns. I learned in summer 2003. I still knit, but only obsessively.
100 Books
I’m going to stick to books I’ve read. I’ll try to give authors as I remember them, but I’m really bad at remembering author names.
Childhood Favorites
1. Robin Hood – Howard Pyle. - This is the first book that had me sobbing like a baby. My mom came into the room and was shocked to see me crying so hard, “What happened??” I could only hold up the book and say, “They killed him!” (Sorry if that’s a spoiler.)
2. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll. - This is one of my all-time favorites. In high school, I did this huge paper on it. That’s when I learned that Alice is a children’s book like The Simpsons is a children’s cartoon. It was written as a satire of the socio-economic and political layout of English society. Oddly, this didn’t ruin it for me, if anything, it made it all the more interesting, adding another layer to its wonder.
3. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkein. - It took me three tries to get through this book. I was in 6th grade and had heard that some people read 2 or more books at the same time. I gave it a shot and didn’t like doing that. When I finally went to reading one at a time, I read all the way through this amazing book.
4. Where the Red Fern Grows – My 6th grade teacher (who was a rookie, first year teacher and one of my best teachers ever) read this to the class. If you haven’t read it… well, it doesn’t end well. The whole class was crying (even the boys!) and we were asking him, “Why would you read this to us???” But honestly, it’s a great book.
5. Complete Fairy Tales – The Brothers Grimm – I still read these. All the time.
6. Aesop’s Fables – I still read these all the time, too.
7. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas – I love Dumas. He’s always a good read. His books are full of adventure and are peppered with humor so things don’t get too dark.
8. Little Women – This book always gets me. I love the main character’s strength and attitude.
9. Little Men – Another great book!
10. Little House on the Prairie – Laura Ingalls Wilder – anything by her is fine by me! I used to wear this Laura Ingalls dress my grandma sewed for me while I read these books. I wore that dress well past the time I grew out of it!
11. Heidi – Johanna Spyri – Such a sweet story. When I read it now, as an adult, it’s almost too sweet! I highly recommend doing that; going back and reading your favorite childhood books as an adult. It gives such great nostalgic memories and an all new perspective.
12. Just So Stories – Rudyard Kipling – what an imagination this man has!
13. Anderson’s Fairy Tales – I’m a sucker for any fairy tales!
14. Treasure Island – Johann David Wyss – Adventure unsurpassed…
15. The Swiss Family Robinson – Robert Louis Stevenson – what a resourceful family!
16. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens – they say that imitation is the best form of flattery. How many ways has this wonderful tale been redone?!
17. Good Night Moon – Margaret Wise Brown – this book is a favorite of me and my kids. Even just the words she used are soft and gentle and like a written lullaby.
18. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl – what an amazing imagination this man has!
19. ? – Here’s my first mystery book – I read a book in 6th grade about Sirius, the dog star being framed for a crime and cast out of the sky (in the book, the stars are actually sentient beings, aliens of sorts). In a burst of irony, the other stars send him to earth to live as a dog. He ends up with these two little kids who live in an abusive family. He protects them and loves them and earns his way back into the sky where he clears his name. I read it a few times and wish I could remember who wrote it or what it was called.
20. ? – Second mystery book – this one, also read around 6th grade, was a fantasy book. These 3 kids go to live with their uncle and in his attic they find a bunch or TV sets. They turn one on and a sinister man seems to be looking at them. They go to turn it off and realize it’s not plugged in. Then all the TV’s turn on (none are plugged in) and the kids get sucked into the TV’s. They land in a world of sorcery and such and have to find each other and make their way back. (I know, it’s reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia). It was a really good book that I read several times and I can’t remember the name!
21. The Chronicles of Narnia – I read all these just this year. I’ve had a really beautiful set of the series for about ten years. What fantastic tales!
Required School Reading
22. To Kill a Mockingbird – One of the finest books in American Literature.
23. Wuthering Heights – Dark but beautiful.
24. Lord of the Flies – Dark but sinister. JK. It’s a fascinating read – how the boys develop their own culture and degenerate into near-animals.
25. The Color Purple – Alice Walker – I just recently mailed a copy of this out for a Banned Book Swap. It was banned when it came out and I was in high school. Near as I can tell, it was banned because of the love affair btw two women. I was in the Advanced English class and our teacher had us read it anyway. It’s still one of my all-time favorite books.
26. Candide – Voltaire – What a trip. A very good book and metaphor for how things are as compared to how they should be.
27. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou – Wow. She is an amazing writer. What beauty, what strength. I’ve read all of her stuff, too.
28. Go Ask Alice – Anonymous – OK, this wasn’t “required” reading. More like somebody read it, and we all sneaked around reading it after they told us what was in it. For me, this book confirmed my decision not to get into drugs (I’ve experimented but it was never my thing). What a fucked up life this girl got into!
29. Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury – One of those really scary books when you realize how easily that world could be our world. Like #72
30. Watership Down – Richard Adams – Talk about depth of character! This book is an amazing analogy of human relationships and life.
31. The Taming of the Shrew – Shakespeare – I will read Shakespeare at least once a year. His comedies are funny and racy and he’s incredible. Someday, I’m going to get a nice leather bound set of his works.
32. Shakespeare’s Insults – OK, this wasn’t required school reading, I went and found it on my own. Yea, I’m a geek, so what. This book is comprehensive but not very well organized. My favorite insult is, “You crusty botch of nature.”
33. Suddenly Last Summer – Tennessee Williams – Wow. Homosexuality, cannibalism, unhealthy mother-son relationship. Wow. I love Tennessee Wms; he goes to the edge and jumps off!
34. The Once and Future King – What a fantastic tale. It’s the story of King Arthur and it’s ripe with humor and adventure and poignancy.
35. The Importance of Being Earnest – Oscar Wilde – another favorite author. Damn he’s funny! A razor wit.
36. Memoirs of a Tall Girl – I read this in Jr. High School and liked it so much, I actually stole it from the library and still have it! (I should send that school a copy to replace it.)
37. The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison – What a sad story. Beautiful, though.
Scary Stuff
38. The Stand – Stephen King. – Anything by this man is fine by me but this is my favorite.
39. The Skeleton Crew – Stephen King. – This book of short stories was given to me in 8th grade by my best friend, Nikie. It’s what got me started with Stephen King. I’ve read it so many times, I can tell you from memory the order the stories come. Nikie and I are still close and 8th grade for us was in the early-80’s.
40. The Great and Secret Show – Clive Barker. – What a fantastic scary fairy tale of a story.
41. Coraline – Neil Gaiman. – A “children’s” book. A fantastic, dark, sinister story that one critic called the next Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if the critic read either book! While I would read Alice to my little boys, I think Coraline would be too scary.
42. Ripper – Michael Slade – When I was stationed at Ft. Huachuca, I got a second job at a Hasting’s Book Store. I spent most of that paycheck at the store. I had just finished reading some really heavy, long book (can’t even remember what it was) and wanted something light and stupid. I went to my favorite section (the scary books) and was drawn by the red spine that said “Ripper”. Holy shit. What an excellent read. Not really light and fluffy at all and certainly not stupid. It was good enough that I’ve read all the other Michael Slade books. It’s a locked door mystery combining serial killer, detective, and all kinds of other stuff. Reminiscent of the next pick…
43. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie – Love this book. I read a ton and watch a shitload of TV and movies (old b/w’s, new, doesn’t matter) so it’s hard to surprise me (nothing new under the sun, right?) but the ending on this one shocked me. Brilliant!
44. The Bone-collector – Jeffrey Deaver – another one that was good enough to lead me to read most everything the author has written.
45. The Devil’s Teardrop – Jeffrey Deaver – I think this is his best one yet.
46. Primal Fear – excellent twists and turns. Amazing.
47. The Da Vinci Code – OK, not scary, more of a thriller but damn what a fast read! I’m glad I read this before his previous book. When I read Angels and Demons by him, it was a real letdown and like reading déjà vu. Let’s see, someone gets murdered, they call the symbologist, the girl in the book is related to the dead guy, the person doing the killings doesn’t know who’s really pulling the strings and they’re all really, really smart. The only difference is that Angels/Demons wasn’t paced at the breakneck speed Da Vinci Code was. The rest of the authors books are pretty damn good, too.
48. Dracula – Bram Stoker – read this one in high school. The first scary book I ever read where I actually had to put it down and take a break. Heart-racing! (Of course, I was in adolescence…)
49. The Hunger – Whitley Streiber – this book is an excellent read. It’s also quite racy at times! It’s a great take on the classic vampire story.
50. The Last Vampire – Whitley Streiber – This sequel to The Hunger was written some 20 years after. Another good read but I wish the author had re-read his original before he made the sequel. I read them back-to-back and there were tons of discrepancies between the two books concerning the main vampire’s life!
51. The Thief of Always – Clive Barker – This, like Coraline (#41), could almost be read to kids as a scary fairy tale.
52. Red Dragon – Thomas Harris – No fairy tale here! Like Grisham, Thomas Harris’ first book is still his best.
53. Haunted – Chuck Palahniuk – This book was so gruesome, I actually got nauseous a couple of times. I have an iron stomach so that’s pretty bad.
54. Funeral March – Frank de Felita – This author is much better known for his book-turned-movie For Love of Audrey Rose. The book I’ve listed is a perfect blend for me. My favorite director is Alfred Hitchcock and in this book the killer uses his movies as inspiration for his methods of killing. (OK, I have problems!)
55. Jurassic Park – Michael Crichton – what a nail-biter!
56. Rose Madder – Stephen King – this is one of my favorites from him. It switches between this world and another. I always thought that if they made it into a movie, the other world should be animated. Not cartoony, but like sharp and gritty animation.
Short Stories
57. The Turn of the Screw (and other stories) – Henry James – this author is a sinister MF!
58. Hot Blood – I’ve read every bit of this series that I could get my greedy little hands on. These short stories combine sex and horror. Some are disgusting, some gruesome, some really scary, some funny, all good!
59. The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman – This woman at the turn of the century (1800 to 1900) is told she is “hysterical”. Basically, everyone keeps telling her she’s insane and eventually it drives her… insane. It’s a disturbing look at how women were discounted and ignored.
60. Different Seasons – Stephen King – I know, I know, “Again with the Stephen King!” This was, as far as I know, his first foray into something not scary. It’s 4 novellas and three of them were eventually made into movies – Shawshank Redemption (awesome!), Stand By Me (fantastic! Different title from the story in the book) and Apt Pupil (story was creepy and perfect, movie sucked)
61. Dark Visions – a collection of spooky stories from some pretty big name writers
62. Under the Fang – This collection has a really great concept. The editor asked a bunch of different authors to write stories based on this premise: What if vampires ruled the world? The different points of views are very interesting. Great stories!
Chick Lit
63. Phantom – Susan Kay – Top 5 All-Time Favorites. I actually am lucky enough to have a friend who saw a first edition of this and snagged it for me because he knew how much I liked it. It changes point of view throughout the book from character to character. And such depth of character is hard to find.
64. The Ha-Ha – Dave King – this is one of my most recent reads. I read on a blog-friend’s site about it. She couldn’t describe the plot (neither can I) only how much the book moved her. It’s the first book I’ve ever read that I knew nothing about beforehand. Get it. Today.
65. Poison – Kathryn Harrison – another hard one to describe, plot-wise. A woman is in the dungeon in Spain, through a series of events brought around by the Spanish Inquisition. Another woman is the new and very young, queen of Spain. I kept waiting for their lives to intersect but they never did. I guess the main point was that through no fault of their own, they were prisoners. It was good enough that I went and bought all Kathryn Harrison’s books!
66. The Joy Luck Club – Amy Tan – love Ms. Tan. She nails the dynamic between mother and daughter, past and present like no one else.
67. The Kitchen God’s Wife – Amy Tan – see #66. I think I like this one best out of all I’ve read of Amy Tan.
68. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold – goddamn this was hard to read. This girl gets killed (I’m not spoiling anything here, it happens pretty early) and tells the story from heaven as she watches how her family deals with her death. By page 70, I’d already cried 4 times. This is not one to read too soon after having a baby, just sayin’. But I adore the author’s version of heaven.
69. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden – This book is so beautifully written. It was so real, it read like non-fiction. I couldn’t believe this was written by a man (no offense). Stunning.
70. The Red Tent – Anita Diamant – Also beautifully written. With the first paragraph, you just sigh and give in and are happy to be there. It’s funny and painful and enormously moving.
71. The Ya-Ya Sisterhood – A touching, lovely, light read.
72. A Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood – Some scary shit. Another one where you can see how easily this fictitious world could become real. And how unfortunate that it DID become real (read #86 after you read this one)
73. Wicked – Gregory MacGuire – I bought this book because I thought it was going to be a parody of sorts. The cover mentioned something about it being The Wizard of Oz from the witch’s point of view. Not parody. At. All. It’s a whole socio-political landscape of Oz. And yes, primarily from the Witch’s point of view. So. Good!
74. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell – I pulled this one off the shelf so many times, looked at how thick it was… and put it back. When I finally started reading it, by page 36 I was completely hooked. What a fantastic read. Don’t bother with the “sequel”, Scarlett. It was written by someone else using Margaret Mitchell’s notes. It sucked ASS! And the ending – WTF?? It seemed like the author’s deadline sneaked up on her because she finally has all these really great plot-lines going and she just kills everyone off and then Scarlett and Rhett ride off into the sunset. I know that’s a spoiler but, trust me, I’m doing you a favor.
75. Fried Green Tomatoes – One of the few books I read after I saw the movie. Fantastic!
76. Black and Blue – Anna Quindlen – Great story of strength and survival.
Other
77. The Life of Pi – Yann Martel – another one written like it’s a true story. Loved it.
78. Lamb, The Gospel According to Bif, Christ’s Childhood Friend – Christopher Moore – this is easily one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It “covers” the years of Jesus’ life missing in the Bible. Another book that led me to buy all this author has to offer.
79. Letters From Earth – Mark Twain – ohmigod, this is hysterical! I love Twain’s views on religion.
80. Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book – Read it. Every day.
81. A Time to Kill – John Grisham – I’ve read a lot of Grisham and this, his first book, is by far his best. That’s not to say the others aren’t great, they are, but they’ll never reach what he accomplished in this one.
82. The Constant Gardner – John Le Carre – I had the hardest time getting into this book but eventually it took off and was a great read.
83. Cider House Rules – John Irving – What a great book. Real depth of character (I mention that a lot, but it’s surprisingly hard to find.) Leads me to want to read all of his stuff.
Non-Fiction
84. Mindhunter – John Douglas and Mark Olshaker – (Olshaker likes “hunter” titles, he also helped write Virus Hunter). If you don’t agree with the death penalty, read this book. It’ll change your mind. Not through political nonsense, but just by realizing there are people out there who need to be put down like rabid dogs. (I already agreed with the death penalty before I read it.)
85. Between Heaven and Earth - Harriet Beinfield and Efrem Korn – This is a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine and its 5 Element Theory. I love this book. It breaks it down into laymen’s terms and is very comprehensive. You need to read it with a grain of salt, though. When Harriet became an acupuncturist, her surgeon father and surgeon grandfather were… not very understanding. She has a rather embittered view of Western medicine. There’s a test in the book to let you know which element you’re most like.
86. Reading Lolita in Tehran – Like A Handmaid’s Tale come to life. So sad and moving and scary. Moves slow sometimes but worth sticking with it.
87. History of God – Karen Armstrong – This should be required reading before anyone is allowed/forced to choose a religion. It covers the big three – Christianity, Judaism, and Muslim
88. Believing It All – Marc Parent – I read a ton of “parenting” books when I was pregnant the first time. This one blew them all away and isn’t even sold as a parenting book. The author’s description to his little boy of what death is, is perfect and beautiful.
89. Operating Instructions – Anne Lamott – Same as Believing It All but in a different way. A great view of what it’s like to have a baby. True and almost scary! This is the truest description of the first year of life after having a baby that I’ve ever read.
90. For the Defense – Ellis Ruben – This book is about the author’s most famous cases as a lawyer. He was the lawyer for the famous Twinkie Defense (google it). It’s a very interesting story and includes a lot about the author’s young life. One of his best friends from childhood is Rod Serling!
91. The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff – This book went along way in making my life better. It’s a fun read with a lot of knowledge.
92. The Te of Piglet – Benjamin Hoff – This sequel to the Tao of Pooh is among my top 5 All-Time Favorites. I re-read it at least once a year.
93. The People’s Almanac – Great bathroom reading (don’t judge, most everyone does it!). It’s informative and fascinating.
94. The Children of the Flames – I read this book at a time when I thought my life was shit. I was depressed and unhappy, had no plan for my future and was stuck in a mire of self-pity and wallowing. I happened upon this book and it really made me pull my head out of my ass. It’s about the twins at Auschwitz and the experiments they were put through. We (you, me, and everyone born in America) have it so easy.
95. America – The Daily Show – Hysterical! And a little sad.
96. Jesus and Buddha – On the left page is a quote from Jesus. On the right page is a quote from Buddha, said almost 2000 years before Jesus. They are usually almost identical. Very interesting.
97. Naked – David Sedaris – ohmigod! This guy makes me laugh my ASS off! He’s hysterical and sometimes poignant and this book is another that prompted me to go buy the rest of his stuff. Even better, get it on audiobook. I can’t stop laughing, just thinking about his stuff!
98. The Black Dahlia Avenger – Steve Hodel – the author gives a pretty convincing argument that his own father is the Black Dahlia killer as well as the killer for several other unsolved murders of the time. A bit hard to get through (slow sometimes) but worth it.
99. Seabiscuit: An American Legend – Laura Hillenbrand – An inspiring, lovely story.
100 - Stitch and Bitch – Debbie Stoller – I had a friend teach me to knit. Then I went and bought this book for reinforcement. It covers the basics incredibly well and with a tongue-in-cheek attitude that’s never boring. Also, tons of great, basic patterns. I learned in summer 2003. I still knit, but only obsessively.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Public Service Announcement
It's Knitty Titty Time Again!
We're marking Breast Cancer Awareness month again this year with a Knitty Titty Party on Friday Oct. 19 from 6 to 8 pm. We'll gather to knit prosthetic breasts for cancer patients at Swedish Hospital's Breast Health Center, as well as sip some wine, nibble some goodies and just generally enjoy ourselves and do a little knitting for a good cause.
Bring double-pointed needles in sizes 5, 6, 7 or 8 (whatever you have will do) and we'll provide yarn and patterns. The titty is knitted in the round and requires skills similar to those for making a hat. Click on the photo to see the original pattern at knitty.com (ours is a bit easier).
This is at A Knitted Peace (ph# 303-730-0366).
They will have a crochet pattern as well.
Hope to see you there, Ruth!
We're marking Breast Cancer Awareness month again this year with a Knitty Titty Party on Friday Oct. 19 from 6 to 8 pm. We'll gather to knit prosthetic breasts for cancer patients at Swedish Hospital's Breast Health Center, as well as sip some wine, nibble some goodies and just generally enjoy ourselves and do a little knitting for a good cause.
Bring double-pointed needles in sizes 5, 6, 7 or 8 (whatever you have will do) and we'll provide yarn and patterns. The titty is knitted in the round and requires skills similar to those for making a hat. Click on the photo to see the original pattern at knitty.com (ours is a bit easier).
This is at A Knitted Peace (ph# 303-730-0366).
They will have a crochet pattern as well.
Hope to see you there, Ruth!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Turning The Last Page
OK, here's the last of my list of 100 Books. I challenge any of you to do this. If not on your blogs, then just as an exercise to see what you remember of the books you've read over the years. I was thinking of doing this as a meme - say your top 25 favorite books of all time - but I'll leave it open.
Here we go!
100 Books - Part 5
Other
77. The Life of Pi – Yann Martel – another one written like it’s a true story. Loved it.
78. Lamb, The Gospel According to Bif, Christ’s Childhood Friend – Christopher Moore – this is easily one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It “covers” the years of Jesus’ life missing in the Bible. Another book that led me to buy all this author has to offer.
79. Letters From Earth – Mark Twain – ohmigod, this is hysterical! I love Twain’s views on religion.
80. Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book – Read it. Every day.
81. A Time to Kill – John Grisham – I’ve read a lot of Grisham and this, his first book, is by far his best. That’s not to say the others aren’t great, they are, but they’ll never reach what he accomplished in this one.
82. The Constant Gardner – John Le Carre – I had the hardest time getting into this book but eventually it took off and was a great read.
83. Cider House Rules – John Irving – What a great book. Real depth of character (I mention that a lot, but it’s surprisingly hard to find.) Leads me to want to read all of his stuff.
Non-Fiction
84. Mindhunter – John Douglas and Mark Olshaker – (Olshaker likes “hunter” titles, he also helped write Virus Hunter). If you don’t agree with the death penalty, read this book. It’ll change your mind. Not through political nonsense, but just by realizing there are people out there who need to be put down like rabid dogs. (I already agreed with the death penalty before I read it.)
85. Between Heaven and Earth - Harriet Beinfield and Efrem Korn – This is a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine and its 5 Element Theory. I love this book. It breaks it down into laymen’s terms and is very comprehensive. You need to read it with a grain of salt, though. When Harriet became an acupuncturist, her surgeon father and surgeon grandfather were… not very understanding. She has a rather embittered view of Western medicine. There’s a test in the book to let you know which element you’re most like.
86. Reading Lolita in Tehran – Like A Handmaid’s Tale come to life. So sad and moving and scary. Moves slow sometimes but worth sticking with it.
87. History of God – Karen Armstrong – This should be required reading before anyone is allowed/forced to choose a religion. It covers the big three – Christianity, Judaism, and Muslim
88. Believing It All – Marc Parent – I read a ton of “parenting” books when I was pregnant the first time. This one blew them all away and isn’t even sold as a parenting book. The author’s description to his little boy of what death is, is perfect and beautiful.
89. Operating Instructions – Anne Lamott – Same as Believing It All but in a different way. A great view of what it’s like to have a baby. True and almost scary! This is the truest description of the first year of life after having a baby that I’ve ever read.
90. For the Defense – Ellis Ruben – This book is about the author’s most famous cases as a lawyer. He was the lawyer for the famous Twinkie Defense (google it). It’s a very interesting story and includes a lot about the author’s young life. One of his best friends from childhood is Rod Serling!
91. The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff – This book went along way in making my life better. It’s a fun read with a lot of knowledge.
92. The Te of Piglet – Benjamin Hoff – This sequel to the Tao of Pooh is among my top 5 All-Time Favorites. I re-read it at least once a year.
93. The People’s Almanac – Great bathroom reading (don’t judge, most everyone does it!). It’s informative and fascinating.
94. The Children of the Flames – I read this book at a time when I thought my life was shit. I was depressed and unhappy, had no plan for my future and was stuck in a mire of self-pity and wallowing. I happened upon this book and it really made me pull my head out of my ass. It’s about the twins at Auschwitz and the experiments they were put through. We (you, me, and everyone born in America) have it so easy.
95. America – The Daily Show – Hysterical! And a little sad.
96. Jesus and Buddha – On the left page is a quote from Jesus. On the right page is a quote from Buddha, said almost 2000 years before Jesus. They are usually almost identical. Very interesting.
97. Naked – David Sedaris – ohmigod! This guy makes me laugh my ASS off! He’s hysterical and sometimes poignant and this book is another that prompted me to go buy the rest of his stuff. Even better, get it on audiobook. I can’t stop laughing, just thinking about his stuff!
98. The Black Dahlia Avenger – Steve Hodel – the author gives a pretty convincing argument that his own father is the Black Dahlia killer as well as the killer for several other unsolved murders of the time. A bit hard to get through (slow sometimes) but worth it.
99. Seabiscuit: An American Legend – Laura Hillenbrand – An inspiring, lovely story.
100. Stitch-n-Bitch – Debbie Stoller – I had a friend teach me to knit. Then I went and bought this book for reinforcement. It covers the basics incredibly well and with a tongue-in-cheek attitude that’s never boring. Also, tons of great, basic patterns. I learned in summer 2003. I still knit, but only obsessively.
Here we go!
100 Books - Part 5
Other
77. The Life of Pi – Yann Martel – another one written like it’s a true story. Loved it.
78. Lamb, The Gospel According to Bif, Christ’s Childhood Friend – Christopher Moore – this is easily one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It “covers” the years of Jesus’ life missing in the Bible. Another book that led me to buy all this author has to offer.
79. Letters From Earth – Mark Twain – ohmigod, this is hysterical! I love Twain’s views on religion.
80. Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book – Read it. Every day.
81. A Time to Kill – John Grisham – I’ve read a lot of Grisham and this, his first book, is by far his best. That’s not to say the others aren’t great, they are, but they’ll never reach what he accomplished in this one.
82. The Constant Gardner – John Le Carre – I had the hardest time getting into this book but eventually it took off and was a great read.
83. Cider House Rules – John Irving – What a great book. Real depth of character (I mention that a lot, but it’s surprisingly hard to find.) Leads me to want to read all of his stuff.
Non-Fiction
84. Mindhunter – John Douglas and Mark Olshaker – (Olshaker likes “hunter” titles, he also helped write Virus Hunter). If you don’t agree with the death penalty, read this book. It’ll change your mind. Not through political nonsense, but just by realizing there are people out there who need to be put down like rabid dogs. (I already agreed with the death penalty before I read it.)
85. Between Heaven and Earth - Harriet Beinfield and Efrem Korn – This is a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine and its 5 Element Theory. I love this book. It breaks it down into laymen’s terms and is very comprehensive. You need to read it with a grain of salt, though. When Harriet became an acupuncturist, her surgeon father and surgeon grandfather were… not very understanding. She has a rather embittered view of Western medicine. There’s a test in the book to let you know which element you’re most like.
86. Reading Lolita in Tehran – Like A Handmaid’s Tale come to life. So sad and moving and scary. Moves slow sometimes but worth sticking with it.
87. History of God – Karen Armstrong – This should be required reading before anyone is allowed/forced to choose a religion. It covers the big three – Christianity, Judaism, and Muslim
88. Believing It All – Marc Parent – I read a ton of “parenting” books when I was pregnant the first time. This one blew them all away and isn’t even sold as a parenting book. The author’s description to his little boy of what death is, is perfect and beautiful.
89. Operating Instructions – Anne Lamott – Same as Believing It All but in a different way. A great view of what it’s like to have a baby. True and almost scary! This is the truest description of the first year of life after having a baby that I’ve ever read.
90. For the Defense – Ellis Ruben – This book is about the author’s most famous cases as a lawyer. He was the lawyer for the famous Twinkie Defense (google it). It’s a very interesting story and includes a lot about the author’s young life. One of his best friends from childhood is Rod Serling!
91. The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff – This book went along way in making my life better. It’s a fun read with a lot of knowledge.
92. The Te of Piglet – Benjamin Hoff – This sequel to the Tao of Pooh is among my top 5 All-Time Favorites. I re-read it at least once a year.
93. The People’s Almanac – Great bathroom reading (don’t judge, most everyone does it!). It’s informative and fascinating.
94. The Children of the Flames – I read this book at a time when I thought my life was shit. I was depressed and unhappy, had no plan for my future and was stuck in a mire of self-pity and wallowing. I happened upon this book and it really made me pull my head out of my ass. It’s about the twins at Auschwitz and the experiments they were put through. We (you, me, and everyone born in America) have it so easy.
95. America – The Daily Show – Hysterical! And a little sad.
96. Jesus and Buddha – On the left page is a quote from Jesus. On the right page is a quote from Buddha, said almost 2000 years before Jesus. They are usually almost identical. Very interesting.
97. Naked – David Sedaris – ohmigod! This guy makes me laugh my ASS off! He’s hysterical and sometimes poignant and this book is another that prompted me to go buy the rest of his stuff. Even better, get it on audiobook. I can’t stop laughing, just thinking about his stuff!
98. The Black Dahlia Avenger – Steve Hodel – the author gives a pretty convincing argument that his own father is the Black Dahlia killer as well as the killer for several other unsolved murders of the time. A bit hard to get through (slow sometimes) but worth it.
99. Seabiscuit: An American Legend – Laura Hillenbrand – An inspiring, lovely story.
100. Stitch-n-Bitch – Debbie Stoller – I had a friend teach me to knit. Then I went and bought this book for reinforcement. It covers the basics incredibly well and with a tongue-in-cheek attitude that’s never boring. Also, tons of great, basic patterns. I learned in summer 2003. I still knit, but only obsessively.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
More Books
100 Books - Part 4
Short Stories
57. The Turn of the Screw (and other stories) – Henry James – this author is a sinister MF!
58. Hot Blood – I’ve read every bit of this series that I could get my greedy little hands on. These short stories combine sex and horror. Some are disgusting, some gruesome, some really scary, some funny, all good!
59. The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman – This is a short story sold as a book, so maybe this one doesn't actually count as a whole book. But the story was so intense, it's stuck with me all these years. This woman at the turn of the century (1800 to 1900) is told she is “hysterical”. Basically, everyone keeps telling her she’s insane and eventually it drives her… insane. It’s a disturbing look at how women were discounted and ignored.
60. Different Seasons – Stephen King – I know, I know, “Again with the Stephen King!” This was, as far as I know, his first foray into something not scary. It’s 4 novellas and three of them were eventually made into movies – Shawshank Redemption (awesome!), Stand By Me (fantastic! Different title from the story in the book) and Apt Pupil (story was creepy and perfect, movie sucked)
61. Dark Visions – a collection of spooky stories from some pretty big name writers
62. Under the Fang – This collection has a really great concept. The editor asked a bunch of different authors to write stories based on this premise: What if vampires ruled the world? The different points of views are very interesting. Great stories!
Chick Lit
63. Phantom – Susan Kay – Top 5 All-Time Favorites. I actually am lucky enough to have a friend who saw a first edition of this and snagged it for me because he knew how much I liked it. It changes point of view throughout the book from character to character. And such depth of character is hard to find.
64. The Ha-Ha – Dave King – this is one of my most recent reads. I read on a blog-friend’s site about it. She couldn’t describe the plot (neither can I) only how much the book moved her. It’s the first book I’ve ever read that I knew nothing about beforehand. Get it. Today.
65. Poison – Kathryn Harrison – another hard one to describe, plot-wise. A woman is in the dungeon in Spain, through a series of events brought around by the Spanish Inquisition. Another woman is the new and very young, queen of Spain. I kept waiting for their lives to intersect but they never did. I guess the main point was that through no fault of their own, they were prisoners. It was good enough that I went and bought all Kathryn Harrison’s books!
66. The Joy Luck Club – Amy Tan – love Ms. Tan. She nails the dynamic between mother and daughter, past and present like no one else.
67. The Kitchen God’s Wife – Amy Tan – see #66. I think I like this one best out of all I’ve read of Amy Tan.
68. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold – goddamn this was hard to read. This girl gets killed (I’m not spoiling anything here, it happens pretty early) and tells the story from heaven as she watches how her family deals with her death. By page 70, I’d already cried 4 times. This is not one to read too soon after having a baby, just sayin’. But I adore the author’s version of heaven.
69. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden – This book is so beautifully written. It was so real, it read like non-fiction. I couldn’t believe this was written by a man (no offense). Stunning.
70. The Red Tent – Anita Diamant – Also beautifully written. With the first paragraph, you just sigh and give in and are happy to be there. It’s funny and painful and enormously moving.
71. The Ya-Ya Sisterhood – A touching, lovely, light read.
72. A Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood – Some scary shit. Another one where you can see how easily this fictitious world could become real. And how unfortunate that it DID become real (read #86 after you read this one)
73. Wicked – Gregory MacGuire – I bought this book because I thought it was going to be a parody of sorts. The cover mentioned something about it being The Wizard of Oz from the witch’s point of view. Not parody. At. All. It’s a whole socio-political landscape of Oz. And yes, primarily from the Witch’s point of view. So. Good!
74. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell – I pulled this one off the shelf so many times, looked at how thick it was… and put it back. When I finally started reading it, by page 36 I was completely hooked. What a fantastic read. Don’t bother with the “sequel”, Scarlett. It was written by someone else using Margaret Mitchell’s notes. It sucked ASS! And the ending – WTF?? It seemed like the author’s deadline sneaked up on her because she finally has all these really great plot-lines going and she just kills everyone off and then Scarlett and Rhett ride off into the sunset. I know that’s a spoiler but, trust me, I’m doing you a favor.
75. Fried Green Tomatoes – One of the few books I read after I saw the movie. Fantastic!
76. Black and Blue – Anna Quindlen – Great story of strength and survival.
The last of these tomorrow, Ruth!
Short Stories
57. The Turn of the Screw (and other stories) – Henry James – this author is a sinister MF!
58. Hot Blood – I’ve read every bit of this series that I could get my greedy little hands on. These short stories combine sex and horror. Some are disgusting, some gruesome, some really scary, some funny, all good!
59. The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman – This is a short story sold as a book, so maybe this one doesn't actually count as a whole book. But the story was so intense, it's stuck with me all these years. This woman at the turn of the century (1800 to 1900) is told she is “hysterical”. Basically, everyone keeps telling her she’s insane and eventually it drives her… insane. It’s a disturbing look at how women were discounted and ignored.
60. Different Seasons – Stephen King – I know, I know, “Again with the Stephen King!” This was, as far as I know, his first foray into something not scary. It’s 4 novellas and three of them were eventually made into movies – Shawshank Redemption (awesome!), Stand By Me (fantastic! Different title from the story in the book) and Apt Pupil (story was creepy and perfect, movie sucked)
61. Dark Visions – a collection of spooky stories from some pretty big name writers
62. Under the Fang – This collection has a really great concept. The editor asked a bunch of different authors to write stories based on this premise: What if vampires ruled the world? The different points of views are very interesting. Great stories!
Chick Lit
63. Phantom – Susan Kay – Top 5 All-Time Favorites. I actually am lucky enough to have a friend who saw a first edition of this and snagged it for me because he knew how much I liked it. It changes point of view throughout the book from character to character. And such depth of character is hard to find.
64. The Ha-Ha – Dave King – this is one of my most recent reads. I read on a blog-friend’s site about it. She couldn’t describe the plot (neither can I) only how much the book moved her. It’s the first book I’ve ever read that I knew nothing about beforehand. Get it. Today.
65. Poison – Kathryn Harrison – another hard one to describe, plot-wise. A woman is in the dungeon in Spain, through a series of events brought around by the Spanish Inquisition. Another woman is the new and very young, queen of Spain. I kept waiting for their lives to intersect but they never did. I guess the main point was that through no fault of their own, they were prisoners. It was good enough that I went and bought all Kathryn Harrison’s books!
66. The Joy Luck Club – Amy Tan – love Ms. Tan. She nails the dynamic between mother and daughter, past and present like no one else.
67. The Kitchen God’s Wife – Amy Tan – see #66. I think I like this one best out of all I’ve read of Amy Tan.
68. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold – goddamn this was hard to read. This girl gets killed (I’m not spoiling anything here, it happens pretty early) and tells the story from heaven as she watches how her family deals with her death. By page 70, I’d already cried 4 times. This is not one to read too soon after having a baby, just sayin’. But I adore the author’s version of heaven.
69. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden – This book is so beautifully written. It was so real, it read like non-fiction. I couldn’t believe this was written by a man (no offense). Stunning.
70. The Red Tent – Anita Diamant – Also beautifully written. With the first paragraph, you just sigh and give in and are happy to be there. It’s funny and painful and enormously moving.
71. The Ya-Ya Sisterhood – A touching, lovely, light read.
72. A Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood – Some scary shit. Another one where you can see how easily this fictitious world could become real. And how unfortunate that it DID become real (read #86 after you read this one)
73. Wicked – Gregory MacGuire – I bought this book because I thought it was going to be a parody of sorts. The cover mentioned something about it being The Wizard of Oz from the witch’s point of view. Not parody. At. All. It’s a whole socio-political landscape of Oz. And yes, primarily from the Witch’s point of view. So. Good!
74. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell – I pulled this one off the shelf so many times, looked at how thick it was… and put it back. When I finally started reading it, by page 36 I was completely hooked. What a fantastic read. Don’t bother with the “sequel”, Scarlett. It was written by someone else using Margaret Mitchell’s notes. It sucked ASS! And the ending – WTF?? It seemed like the author’s deadline sneaked up on her because she finally has all these really great plot-lines going and she just kills everyone off and then Scarlett and Rhett ride off into the sunset. I know that’s a spoiler but, trust me, I’m doing you a favor.
75. Fried Green Tomatoes – One of the few books I read after I saw the movie. Fantastic!
76. Black and Blue – Anna Quindlen – Great story of strength and survival.
The last of these tomorrow, Ruth!
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Knitting Heretic and More Books
Annie Modesitt is coming to Littleton to teach! Here's the email I got...
[Annie's on her way!It's official -- Annie Modesitt will be teaching four classes for us at the end of the month. (We're pleased to report that her husband is doing well after his bone-marrow transplant! For details, check out Annie's blog.)Annie's famous as the Knitting Heretic, and she's the author of many other knitting books, most recently Romantic Knits, which is a current best-seller in Amazon's Crafts/Fashion category, and Men Who Knit and the Dogs Who Love Them (woof!)She 'll be teaching four three-hour workshops, so you can take all four or pick the ones that suit your interests.
Combination Knitting/Cables without a Cable Needle - This is the knitting technique that made Annie a heretic -- and famous! Now dubbed Combination Knitting, it is faster than conventional knitting and creates a nicer tension with less row variation and wrist strain. Experienced knitters will appreciate this refined method, and new knitters will get a head start on smooth, easy knitting. Annie will also cover how to work cables without a pesky cable needle -- yeah!Saturday, Oct. 27, 9 am -12 pm
Embellishments - Accentuate your beautiful projects with knitted embellishments such as flowers, leaves, knots, knit fringes, cord and even knit buttons! Learn to see knitting as a three-dimensional craft with new potential.Saturday, Oct. 27, 1-4 pm
Double Knitting - You can knit socks and mittens on straight needles with no seams with this traditional technique. You'll learn several techniques for creating a reversible, double fabric with or without colorwork accents.Sunday, Oct. 28, 9 am -12 pm
Corset Sampler - This technique sampler will feature lace, ribbing, specialty bind-offs and cast-ons, cables and buttonholes -- all the techniques for Annie's Ribbed Corset top, a sexy little number that can also be made with cap sleeves. A great intro to a multitude of new techniques, even if you're not going to make the corset. Be sure to check out the similar Red Carpet Convertible on Annie's website -- as Annie says, everyone looks HOT in a convertible, and the same is true of this darling top. Sunday, Oct. 28, 1-4 pm
Each three-hour class is $45. To reserve a spot, call us at 303-730-0366.]
Wanna play??? I signed up for the combo knitting class.
All right - 100 Books - Part 3
Scary Stuff
38. The Stand – Stephen King. – Anything by this man is fine by me but this is my favorite.
39. The Skeleton Crew – Stephen King. – This book of short stories was given to me in 8th grade by my best friend, Nikie. It’s what got me started with Stephen King. I’ve read it so many times, I can tell you from memory the order the stories come. Nikie and I are still close and 8th grade for us was in the early-80’s.
40. The Great and Secret Show – Clive Barker. – What a fantastic scary fairy tale of a story.
41. Coraline – Neil Gaiman. – A “children’s” book. A fantastic, dark, sinister story that one critic called the next Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if the critic read either book! While I would read Alice to my little boys, I think Coraline would be too scary.
42. Ripper – Michael Slade – When I was stationed at Ft. Huachuca, I got a second job at a Hasting’s Book Store. I spent most of that paycheck at the store. I had just finished reading some really heavy, long book (can’t even remember what it was) and wanted something light and stupid. I went to my favorite section (the scary books) and was drawn by the red spine that said “Ripper”. Holy shit. What an excellent read. Not really light and fluffy at all and certainly not stupid. It was good enough that I’ve read all the other Michael Slade books. It’s a locked door mystery combining serial killer, detective, and all kinds of other stuff. Reminiscent of the next pick…
43. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie – Love this book. I read a ton and watch a shitload of TV and movies (old b/w’s, new, doesn’t matter) so it’s hard to surprise me (nothing new under the sun, right?) but the ending on this one shocked me. Brilliant!
44. The Bone-collector – Jeffrey Deaver – another one that was good enough to lead me to read most everything the author has written.
45. The Devil’s Teardrop – Jeffrey Deaver – I think this is his best one yet.
46. Primal Fear – excellent twists and turns. Amazing.
47. The Da Vinci Code – OK, not scary, more of a thriller but damn what a fast read! I’m glad I read this before his previous book. When I read Angels and Demons by him, it was a real letdown and like reading déjà vu. Let’s see, someone gets murdered, they call the symbologist, the girl in the book is related to the dead guy, the person doing the killings doesn’t know who’s really pulling the strings and they’re all really, really smart. The only difference is that Angels/Demons wasn’t paced at the breakneck speed Da Vinci Code was. The rest of the author's books are pretty damn good, too.
48. Dracula – Bram Stoker – read this one in high school. The first scary book I ever read where I actually had to put it down and take a break. Heart-racing! (Of course, I was in adolescence…)
49. The Hunger – Whitley Streiber – this book is an excellent read. It’s also quite racy at times! It’s a great take on the classic vampire story.
50. The Last Vampire – Whitley Streiber – This sequel to The Hunger was written some 20 years after. Another good read but I wish the author had re-read his original before he made the sequel. I read them back-to-back and there were tons of discrepancies between the two books concerning the main vampire’s life!
51. The Thief of Always – Clive Barker – This, like Coraline (#41), could almost be read to kids as a scary fairy tale.
52. Red Dragon – Thomas Harris – No fairy tale here! Like Grisham, Thomas Harris’ first book is still his best.
53. Haunted – Chuck Palahniuk – This book was so gruesome, I actually got nauseous a couple of times. I have an iron stomach so that’s pretty bad.
54. Funeral March – Frank de Felita – This author is much better known for his book-turned-movie For Love of Audrey Rose. The book I’ve listed is a perfect blend for me. My favorite director is Alfred Hitchcock and in this book the killer uses his movies as inspiration for his methods of killing. (OK, I have problems!)
55. Jurassic Park – Michael Crichton – what a nail-biter!
56. Rose Madder – Stephen King – this is one of my favorites from him. It switches between this world and another. I always thought that if they made it into a movie, the other world should be animated. Not cartoony, but like a sharp and gritty animation.
Spooooooky, Ruth!
[Annie's on her way!It's official -- Annie Modesitt will be teaching four classes for us at the end of the month. (We're pleased to report that her husband is doing well after his bone-marrow transplant! For details, check out Annie's blog.)Annie's famous as the Knitting Heretic, and she's the author of many other knitting books, most recently Romantic Knits, which is a current best-seller in Amazon's Crafts/Fashion category, and Men Who Knit and the Dogs Who Love Them (woof!)She 'll be teaching four three-hour workshops, so you can take all four or pick the ones that suit your interests.
Combination Knitting/Cables without a Cable Needle - This is the knitting technique that made Annie a heretic -- and famous! Now dubbed Combination Knitting, it is faster than conventional knitting and creates a nicer tension with less row variation and wrist strain. Experienced knitters will appreciate this refined method, and new knitters will get a head start on smooth, easy knitting. Annie will also cover how to work cables without a pesky cable needle -- yeah!Saturday, Oct. 27, 9 am -12 pm
Embellishments - Accentuate your beautiful projects with knitted embellishments such as flowers, leaves, knots, knit fringes, cord and even knit buttons! Learn to see knitting as a three-dimensional craft with new potential.Saturday, Oct. 27, 1-4 pm
Double Knitting - You can knit socks and mittens on straight needles with no seams with this traditional technique. You'll learn several techniques for creating a reversible, double fabric with or without colorwork accents.Sunday, Oct. 28, 9 am -12 pm
Corset Sampler - This technique sampler will feature lace, ribbing, specialty bind-offs and cast-ons, cables and buttonholes -- all the techniques for Annie's Ribbed Corset top, a sexy little number that can also be made with cap sleeves. A great intro to a multitude of new techniques, even if you're not going to make the corset. Be sure to check out the similar Red Carpet Convertible on Annie's website -- as Annie says, everyone looks HOT in a convertible, and the same is true of this darling top. Sunday, Oct. 28, 1-4 pm
Each three-hour class is $45. To reserve a spot, call us at 303-730-0366.]
Wanna play??? I signed up for the combo knitting class.
All right - 100 Books - Part 3
Scary Stuff
38. The Stand – Stephen King. – Anything by this man is fine by me but this is my favorite.
39. The Skeleton Crew – Stephen King. – This book of short stories was given to me in 8th grade by my best friend, Nikie. It’s what got me started with Stephen King. I’ve read it so many times, I can tell you from memory the order the stories come. Nikie and I are still close and 8th grade for us was in the early-80’s.
40. The Great and Secret Show – Clive Barker. – What a fantastic scary fairy tale of a story.
41. Coraline – Neil Gaiman. – A “children’s” book. A fantastic, dark, sinister story that one critic called the next Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if the critic read either book! While I would read Alice to my little boys, I think Coraline would be too scary.
42. Ripper – Michael Slade – When I was stationed at Ft. Huachuca, I got a second job at a Hasting’s Book Store. I spent most of that paycheck at the store. I had just finished reading some really heavy, long book (can’t even remember what it was) and wanted something light and stupid. I went to my favorite section (the scary books) and was drawn by the red spine that said “Ripper”. Holy shit. What an excellent read. Not really light and fluffy at all and certainly not stupid. It was good enough that I’ve read all the other Michael Slade books. It’s a locked door mystery combining serial killer, detective, and all kinds of other stuff. Reminiscent of the next pick…
43. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie – Love this book. I read a ton and watch a shitload of TV and movies (old b/w’s, new, doesn’t matter) so it’s hard to surprise me (nothing new under the sun, right?) but the ending on this one shocked me. Brilliant!
44. The Bone-collector – Jeffrey Deaver – another one that was good enough to lead me to read most everything the author has written.
45. The Devil’s Teardrop – Jeffrey Deaver – I think this is his best one yet.
46. Primal Fear – excellent twists and turns. Amazing.
47. The Da Vinci Code – OK, not scary, more of a thriller but damn what a fast read! I’m glad I read this before his previous book. When I read Angels and Demons by him, it was a real letdown and like reading déjà vu. Let’s see, someone gets murdered, they call the symbologist, the girl in the book is related to the dead guy, the person doing the killings doesn’t know who’s really pulling the strings and they’re all really, really smart. The only difference is that Angels/Demons wasn’t paced at the breakneck speed Da Vinci Code was. The rest of the author's books are pretty damn good, too.
48. Dracula – Bram Stoker – read this one in high school. The first scary book I ever read where I actually had to put it down and take a break. Heart-racing! (Of course, I was in adolescence…)
49. The Hunger – Whitley Streiber – this book is an excellent read. It’s also quite racy at times! It’s a great take on the classic vampire story.
50. The Last Vampire – Whitley Streiber – This sequel to The Hunger was written some 20 years after. Another good read but I wish the author had re-read his original before he made the sequel. I read them back-to-back and there were tons of discrepancies between the two books concerning the main vampire’s life!
51. The Thief of Always – Clive Barker – This, like Coraline (#41), could almost be read to kids as a scary fairy tale.
52. Red Dragon – Thomas Harris – No fairy tale here! Like Grisham, Thomas Harris’ first book is still his best.
53. Haunted – Chuck Palahniuk – This book was so gruesome, I actually got nauseous a couple of times. I have an iron stomach so that’s pretty bad.
54. Funeral March – Frank de Felita – This author is much better known for his book-turned-movie For Love of Audrey Rose. The book I’ve listed is a perfect blend for me. My favorite director is Alfred Hitchcock and in this book the killer uses his movies as inspiration for his methods of killing. (OK, I have problems!)
55. Jurassic Park – Michael Crichton – what a nail-biter!
56. Rose Madder – Stephen King – this is one of my favorites from him. It switches between this world and another. I always thought that if they made it into a movie, the other world should be animated. Not cartoony, but like a sharp and gritty animation.
Spooooooky, Ruth!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
100 Books - Part 2
Before we begin today's slacking off, I would like to make an announcement:
My Blogless Rachel H. is blogless no more! me7of11 (named after her birth order) can be found here. Go on over and say hi!
We continue our journey through my literary leanings with books I had to read and was happy to do so...
Required School Reading
22. To Kill a Mockingbird – One of the finest books in American Literature.
23. Wuthering Heights – Dark but beautiful.
24. Lord of the Flies – Dark but sinister. JK. It’s a fascinating read – how the boys develop their own culture and degenerate into near-animals.
25. The Color Purple – Alice Walker – I just recently mailed a copy of this out for a Banned Book Swap. It was banned when it came out and I was in high school. Near as I can tell, it was banned because of the love affair btw two women. I was in the Advanced English class and our teacher had us read it anyway. It’s still one of my all-time favorite books.
26. Candide – Voltaire – What a trip. A very good book and metaphor for how things are as compared to how they should be.
27. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou – Wow. She is an amazing writer. What beauty, what strength. I’ve read all of her stuff, too.
28. Go Ask Alice – Anonymous – OK, this wasn’t “required” reading. More like somebody read it, and we all sneaked around reading it after they told us what was in it. For me, this book confirmed my decision not to get into drugs (I’ve experimented but it was never my thing). What a fucked up life this girl got into!
29. Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury – One of those really scary books when you realize how easily that world could be our world. Like #72
30. Watership Down – Richard Adams – Talk about depth of character! This book is an amazing analogy of human relationships and life.
31. The Taming of the Shrew – Shakespeare – I read Shakespeare at least once a year. His comedies are funny and racy and he’s incredible. Someday, I’m going to get a nice leather bound set of his works.
32. Shakespeare’s Insults – OK, this wasn’t required school reading either, I went and found it on my own. Yea, I’m a geek, so what. This book is comprehensive but not very well organized. My favorite insult is, “You crusty botch of nature.”
33. Suddenly Last Summer – Tennessee Williams – Wow. Homosexuality, cannibalism, unhealthy mother-son relationship. Wow. I love Tennessee Wms; he goes to the edge and jumps off!
34. The Once and Future King – What a fantastic tale. It’s the story of King Arthur and it’s ripe with humor and adventure and poignancy.
35. The Importance of Being Earnest – Oscar Wilde – another favorite author. Damn he’s funny! A razor wit.
36. Memoirs of a Tall Girl – I read this in Jr. High School and liked it so much, I actually stole it from the library and still have it! (I should send that school a copy to replace it.)
37. The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison – What a sad story. Beautiful, though.
More books tomorrow, Ruth!
My Blogless Rachel H. is blogless no more! me7of11 (named after her birth order) can be found here. Go on over and say hi!
We continue our journey through my literary leanings with books I had to read and was happy to do so...
Required School Reading
22. To Kill a Mockingbird – One of the finest books in American Literature.
23. Wuthering Heights – Dark but beautiful.
24. Lord of the Flies – Dark but sinister. JK. It’s a fascinating read – how the boys develop their own culture and degenerate into near-animals.
25. The Color Purple – Alice Walker – I just recently mailed a copy of this out for a Banned Book Swap. It was banned when it came out and I was in high school. Near as I can tell, it was banned because of the love affair btw two women. I was in the Advanced English class and our teacher had us read it anyway. It’s still one of my all-time favorite books.
26. Candide – Voltaire – What a trip. A very good book and metaphor for how things are as compared to how they should be.
27. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou – Wow. She is an amazing writer. What beauty, what strength. I’ve read all of her stuff, too.
28. Go Ask Alice – Anonymous – OK, this wasn’t “required” reading. More like somebody read it, and we all sneaked around reading it after they told us what was in it. For me, this book confirmed my decision not to get into drugs (I’ve experimented but it was never my thing). What a fucked up life this girl got into!
29. Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury – One of those really scary books when you realize how easily that world could be our world. Like #72
30. Watership Down – Richard Adams – Talk about depth of character! This book is an amazing analogy of human relationships and life.
31. The Taming of the Shrew – Shakespeare – I read Shakespeare at least once a year. His comedies are funny and racy and he’s incredible. Someday, I’m going to get a nice leather bound set of his works.
32. Shakespeare’s Insults – OK, this wasn’t required school reading either, I went and found it on my own. Yea, I’m a geek, so what. This book is comprehensive but not very well organized. My favorite insult is, “You crusty botch of nature.”
33. Suddenly Last Summer – Tennessee Williams – Wow. Homosexuality, cannibalism, unhealthy mother-son relationship. Wow. I love Tennessee Wms; he goes to the edge and jumps off!
34. The Once and Future King – What a fantastic tale. It’s the story of King Arthur and it’s ripe with humor and adventure and poignancy.
35. The Importance of Being Earnest – Oscar Wilde – another favorite author. Damn he’s funny! A razor wit.
36. Memoirs of a Tall Girl – I read this in Jr. High School and liked it so much, I actually stole it from the library and still have it! (I should send that school a copy to replace it.)
37. The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison – What a sad story. Beautiful, though.
More books tomorrow, Ruth!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
100 Books - Part 1
I recently did a swap over at swap-bot.com where you were supposed to list 100 books that you've read or intend to read.
I opted to list only books I've read. This exercise was actually more difficult then I thought it would be! (Apparently, I read a lot of crap that I didn't feel was worth listing.) In an extreme case of blog-cop-out I begin to list them today...
100 Books
I’m going to stick to books I’ve read. I’ll try to give authors as I remember them, but I’m really bad at remembering author names.
Childhood Favorites
1. Robin Hood – Howard Pyle. - This is the first book that had me sobbing like a baby. My mom came into the room and was shocked to see me crying so hard, “What happened??” I could only hold up the book and say, “They killed him!” (Sorry if that’s a spoiler.)
2. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll. - This is one of my all-time favorites. In high school, I did this huge paper on it. That’s when I learned that Alice is a children’s book like The Simpsons is a children’s cartoon. It was written as a satire of the socio-economic and political layout of English society. Oddly, this didn’t ruin it for me, if anything, it made it all the more interesting, adding another layer to its wonder.
3. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkein. - It took me three tries to get through this book. I was in 6th grade and had heard that some people read 2 or more books at the same time. I gave it a shot and didn’t like doing that. When I finally went to reading one at a time, I read all the way through this amazing book.
4. Where the Red Fern Grows – My 6th grade teacher (who was a rookie, first year teacher and one of my best teachers ever) read this to the class. If you haven’t read it… well, it doesn’t end well. The whole class was crying (even the boys!) and we were asking him, “Why would you read this to us???” But honestly, it’s a great book.
5. Complete Fairy Tales – The Brothers Grimm – I still read these. All the time.
6. Aesop’s Fables – I still read these all the time, too.
7. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas – I love Dumas. He’s always a good read. His books are full of adventure and are peppered with humor so things don’t get too dark.
8. Little Women – This book always gets me. I love the main character’s strength and attitude.
9. Little Men – Another great book!
10. Little House on the Prairie – Laura Ingalls Wilder – anything by her is fine by me! I used to
wear this Laura Ingalls dress my grandma sewed for me while I read these books. I wore that dress well past the time I grew out of it!
11. Heidi – Johanna Spyri – Such a sweet story. When I read it now, as an adult, it’s almost too sweet! I highly recommend doing that; going back and reading your favorite childhood books as an adult. It gives such great nostalgic memories and an all new perspective.
12. Just So Stories – Rudyard Kipling – what an imagination this man has!
13. Anderson’s Fairy Tales – I’m a sucker for any fairy tales!
14. Treasure Island – Johann David Wyss – Adventure unsurpassed…
15. The Swiss Family Robinson – Robert Louis Stevenson – what a resourceful family!
16. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens – they say that imitation is the best form of flattery. How many ways has this wonderful tale been redone?!
17. Good Night Moon – Margaret Wise Brown – this book is a favorite of me and my kids. Even just the words she used are soft and gentle and like a written lullaby.
18. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl – what an amazing imagination this man has!
19. ? – Here’s my first mystery book – I read a book in 6th grade about Sirius, the dog star being framed for a crime and cast out of the sky (in the book, the stars are actually sentient beings, aliens of sorts). In a burst of irony, the other stars send him to earth to live as a dog. He ends up with these two little kids who live in an abusive family. He protects them and loves them and earns his way back into the sky where he clears his name. I read it a few times and wish I could remember who wrote it or what it was called.
20. ? – Second mystery book – this one, also read around 6th grade, was a fantasy book. These 3 kids go to live with their uncle and in his attic they find a bunch or TV sets. They turn one on and a sinister man seems to be looking at them. They go to turn it off and realize it’s not plugged in. Then all the TV’s turn on (none are plugged in) and the kids get sucked into the TV’s. They land in a world of sorcery and such and have to find each other and make their way back. (I know, it’s reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia). It was a really good book that I read several times and I can’t remember the name!
21. The Chronicles of Narnia – I read all these just this year. I’ve had a really beautiful set of the series for about ten years. What fantastic tales!
More cop-out tomorrow, Ruth!
I opted to list only books I've read. This exercise was actually more difficult then I thought it would be! (Apparently, I read a lot of crap that I didn't feel was worth listing.) In an extreme case of blog-cop-out I begin to list them today...
100 Books
I’m going to stick to books I’ve read. I’ll try to give authors as I remember them, but I’m really bad at remembering author names.
Childhood Favorites
1. Robin Hood – Howard Pyle. - This is the first book that had me sobbing like a baby. My mom came into the room and was shocked to see me crying so hard, “What happened??” I could only hold up the book and say, “They killed him!” (Sorry if that’s a spoiler.)
2. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll. - This is one of my all-time favorites. In high school, I did this huge paper on it. That’s when I learned that Alice is a children’s book like The Simpsons is a children’s cartoon. It was written as a satire of the socio-economic and political layout of English society. Oddly, this didn’t ruin it for me, if anything, it made it all the more interesting, adding another layer to its wonder.
3. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkein. - It took me three tries to get through this book. I was in 6th grade and had heard that some people read 2 or more books at the same time. I gave it a shot and didn’t like doing that. When I finally went to reading one at a time, I read all the way through this amazing book.
4. Where the Red Fern Grows – My 6th grade teacher (who was a rookie, first year teacher and one of my best teachers ever) read this to the class. If you haven’t read it… well, it doesn’t end well. The whole class was crying (even the boys!) and we were asking him, “Why would you read this to us???” But honestly, it’s a great book.
5. Complete Fairy Tales – The Brothers Grimm – I still read these. All the time.
6. Aesop’s Fables – I still read these all the time, too.
7. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas – I love Dumas. He’s always a good read. His books are full of adventure and are peppered with humor so things don’t get too dark.
8. Little Women – This book always gets me. I love the main character’s strength and attitude.
9. Little Men – Another great book!
10. Little House on the Prairie – Laura Ingalls Wilder – anything by her is fine by me! I used to
wear this Laura Ingalls dress my grandma sewed for me while I read these books. I wore that dress well past the time I grew out of it!
11. Heidi – Johanna Spyri – Such a sweet story. When I read it now, as an adult, it’s almost too sweet! I highly recommend doing that; going back and reading your favorite childhood books as an adult. It gives such great nostalgic memories and an all new perspective.
12. Just So Stories – Rudyard Kipling – what an imagination this man has!
13. Anderson’s Fairy Tales – I’m a sucker for any fairy tales!
14. Treasure Island – Johann David Wyss – Adventure unsurpassed…
15. The Swiss Family Robinson – Robert Louis Stevenson – what a resourceful family!
16. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens – they say that imitation is the best form of flattery. How many ways has this wonderful tale been redone?!
17. Good Night Moon – Margaret Wise Brown – this book is a favorite of me and my kids. Even just the words she used are soft and gentle and like a written lullaby.
18. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl – what an amazing imagination this man has!
19. ? – Here’s my first mystery book – I read a book in 6th grade about Sirius, the dog star being framed for a crime and cast out of the sky (in the book, the stars are actually sentient beings, aliens of sorts). In a burst of irony, the other stars send him to earth to live as a dog. He ends up with these two little kids who live in an abusive family. He protects them and loves them and earns his way back into the sky where he clears his name. I read it a few times and wish I could remember who wrote it or what it was called.
20. ? – Second mystery book – this one, also read around 6th grade, was a fantasy book. These 3 kids go to live with their uncle and in his attic they find a bunch or TV sets. They turn one on and a sinister man seems to be looking at them. They go to turn it off and realize it’s not plugged in. Then all the TV’s turn on (none are plugged in) and the kids get sucked into the TV’s. They land in a world of sorcery and such and have to find each other and make their way back. (I know, it’s reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia). It was a really good book that I read several times and I can’t remember the name!
21. The Chronicles of Narnia – I read all these just this year. I’ve had a really beautiful set of the series for about ten years. What fantastic tales!
More cop-out tomorrow, Ruth!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Ripple Effect
This thing with Marion Jones having to return her medal has more consequences then had originally occurred to me. Now they are talking about her relay team and how those other team members may have to return their medals as well. That makes me sad. All that theoretically legitimate hard work gone to waste because someone else cheated. Hardly seems fair.
And what happens to these returned gold medals? Do they get passed down the line like the tiara from a tainted beauty queen? Silver is now Gold, Bronze is now Silver, dude that came in 4th is now Bronze?
During the Infamous Southern Denver Yarn Crawl ,when we stopped to have lunch, Nake-id Knits said something very nice to me. She said she couldn't understand why I was working at Target, it seemed such a waste of talent. (Have you ever heard such a lovely compliment?) I explained that unless you were on a management level, everyone working there was a waste of some kind of talent. There's nothing wrong with Target, it's a good honest job. Even so, working there isn't particularly a first choice for most people.
There's J - her husband worked at a company most of his adult life and they were living comfortably (if a bit tightly) off of his pension when he retired. Well said company f'ed up the pension and it disappeared. Now she works full time at age 65 because they need the benefits and the money. He's gone to work, too but has health issues and can't work as much.
There's all the kids who are at Target for summer jobs or to help put themselves through school.
And then there's K. 2 years ago, her husband was caught in a sting much like the To Catch a Predator series only with no cameras. This man was a high school softball coach and went to a house thinking he was going to hook up with a 14 year old girl. I watched the "Predator" show all the time and I never really thought about these guys having families. Yea, some of them had wives but I didn't think of how they might have kids, too. Or how getting caught would effect their wives accept to start divorce proceedings.
K's entire life savings got eaten up along with her husband's savings when it had to be used for his defense. He's now a registered sex offender and can't even call his daughter's house because she has small children there (not that they want to talk to him, yet). He lost his job and most of their friends and K had to live with the suspicion of everyone in town, "How much did she know?" She didn't know any of it. She knew he was spending a lot of time online but had no idea what he was doing there. She never even suspected. Why would she? Would you? As soon as court matters were done, K divorced him and moved to Colorado.
This man got caught 6 weeks before his other daughter's wedding. He was able to go but it made everything really tense and weird when it should've been her happiest day.
K and I met at Target. She has to work to help with her living expenses (she's also around 65). She gets some alimony from him but it ain't much. As a registered sex offender, he has a hard time getting a job. Or housing.
She asked me to teach her to knit and she came to my house to learn. She opened up to me with all this and I really felt for her. (That was a couple of months ago and she's given me permission to write about it.) She says she feels so stupid about it - like she should've known about him somehow - but I asked her, "Why? If you had no idea.. I mean why would you ever think that about someone you've known and loved for over 30 years??" I was at K's house, giving her another lesson when the phone rang. It was him. Yes, she still has to deal with him. They still have money tied up together (IRA's, 401k's and such) and even thought their kids are adults, she's got to deal with him for the rest of her life.
Talk about ripple effect. It's so sad.
Things I do effect everyone around me. And actions of others effect me. It's all a crap shoot, but it makes me think twice about my actions.
Still not tip-toeing, Ruth!
And what happens to these returned gold medals? Do they get passed down the line like the tiara from a tainted beauty queen? Silver is now Gold, Bronze is now Silver, dude that came in 4th is now Bronze?
During the Infamous Southern Denver Yarn Crawl ,when we stopped to have lunch, Nake-id Knits said something very nice to me. She said she couldn't understand why I was working at Target, it seemed such a waste of talent. (Have you ever heard such a lovely compliment?) I explained that unless you were on a management level, everyone working there was a waste of some kind of talent. There's nothing wrong with Target, it's a good honest job. Even so, working there isn't particularly a first choice for most people.
There's J - her husband worked at a company most of his adult life and they were living comfortably (if a bit tightly) off of his pension when he retired. Well said company f'ed up the pension and it disappeared. Now she works full time at age 65 because they need the benefits and the money. He's gone to work, too but has health issues and can't work as much.
There's all the kids who are at Target for summer jobs or to help put themselves through school.
And then there's K. 2 years ago, her husband was caught in a sting much like the To Catch a Predator series only with no cameras. This man was a high school softball coach and went to a house thinking he was going to hook up with a 14 year old girl. I watched the "Predator" show all the time and I never really thought about these guys having families. Yea, some of them had wives but I didn't think of how they might have kids, too. Or how getting caught would effect their wives accept to start divorce proceedings.
K's entire life savings got eaten up along with her husband's savings when it had to be used for his defense. He's now a registered sex offender and can't even call his daughter's house because she has small children there (not that they want to talk to him, yet). He lost his job and most of their friends and K had to live with the suspicion of everyone in town, "How much did she know?" She didn't know any of it. She knew he was spending a lot of time online but had no idea what he was doing there. She never even suspected. Why would she? Would you? As soon as court matters were done, K divorced him and moved to Colorado.
This man got caught 6 weeks before his other daughter's wedding. He was able to go but it made everything really tense and weird when it should've been her happiest day.
K and I met at Target. She has to work to help with her living expenses (she's also around 65). She gets some alimony from him but it ain't much. As a registered sex offender, he has a hard time getting a job. Or housing.
She asked me to teach her to knit and she came to my house to learn. She opened up to me with all this and I really felt for her. (That was a couple of months ago and she's given me permission to write about it.) She says she feels so stupid about it - like she should've known about him somehow - but I asked her, "Why? If you had no idea.. I mean why would you ever think that about someone you've known and loved for over 30 years??" I was at K's house, giving her another lesson when the phone rang. It was him. Yes, she still has to deal with him. They still have money tied up together (IRA's, 401k's and such) and even thought their kids are adults, she's got to deal with him for the rest of her life.
Talk about ripple effect. It's so sad.
Things I do effect everyone around me. And actions of others effect me. It's all a crap shoot, but it makes me think twice about my actions.
Still not tip-toeing, Ruth!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Good News, Bad News, Contest News
OK, I'm way behind. My contest ended on Sep. 15th and I'm just now getting around to drawing the names for the winners.
The bad news is...
I had a goal of 200 helmet-liners. I received 13. That's OK. It's not really bad news. I'm new and relatively unknown in this blog world we share and I'm happy to receive any!
The good news...
I've added a few extra prizes so everyone gets something! Now those observant people will see that there aren't 13 prizes. Some generous people sent extra liners and they will receive extra presents with their prize. (For pic's of the prizes, go here.)
OK...
The Fearless Fibers Wisteria went to BeckyKnitsToo already for being first.
The Fearless Fibers Peppermint Pink goes to Olga.
The Fearless Fibers Sand and Sun goes to My Blogless Rachel H.
The Fearless Fibers Duck Season goes to Throws Like A Girl.
The Knit2Together Book goes to My Blogless Rachel H.'s mom.
The Brown and Pink Bag goes to NoMoreSweaters.
The Black Bag goes to Gail. (Gail, email me with your blog so I can link ya!)
The Loop-D-Loop Book goes to knitnzu.
A Blue Project Bag (not pictured) goes to Nicole H. (email me!)
2 Skeins of Cascade 220 Eggplant Color goes to Janet K. (email me!)
Congratulations everyone! Please email me with your snail mail address and I will send the stuff next week. My email address is Ruth AT 5elementknitr DOT com.
I'll also be sending the helmet-liners next week. My good friend from high school who is an Army Major and stationed in Saudi Arabia has a good friend whose stationed in Iraq. His friend in Iraq is a female Army captain and..... a knitter! So I'll be sending her some knitting goodness along with the liners.
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to avoid their own WIP's and join my little drive. You guys rock! Thanks also, to Fearless Fibers for donating an extra skein to the prize pool.
Touched beyond belief, Ruth!
The bad news is...
I had a goal of 200 helmet-liners. I received 13. That's OK. It's not really bad news. I'm new and relatively unknown in this blog world we share and I'm happy to receive any!
The good news...
I've added a few extra prizes so everyone gets something! Now those observant people will see that there aren't 13 prizes. Some generous people sent extra liners and they will receive extra presents with their prize. (For pic's of the prizes, go here.)
OK...
The Fearless Fibers Wisteria went to BeckyKnitsToo already for being first.
The Fearless Fibers Peppermint Pink goes to Olga.
The Fearless Fibers Sand and Sun goes to My Blogless Rachel H.
The Fearless Fibers Duck Season goes to Throws Like A Girl.
The Knit2Together Book goes to My Blogless Rachel H.'s mom.
The Brown and Pink Bag goes to NoMoreSweaters.
The Black Bag goes to Gail. (Gail, email me with your blog so I can link ya!)
The Loop-D-Loop Book goes to knitnzu.
A Blue Project Bag (not pictured) goes to Nicole H. (email me!)
2 Skeins of Cascade 220 Eggplant Color goes to Janet K. (email me!)
Congratulations everyone! Please email me with your snail mail address and I will send the stuff next week. My email address is Ruth AT 5elementknitr DOT com.
I'll also be sending the helmet-liners next week. My good friend from high school who is an Army Major and stationed in Saudi Arabia has a good friend whose stationed in Iraq. His friend in Iraq is a female Army captain and..... a knitter! So I'll be sending her some knitting goodness along with the liners.
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to avoid their own WIP's and join my little drive. You guys rock! Thanks also, to Fearless Fibers for donating an extra skein to the prize pool.
Touched beyond belief, Ruth!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
The Mouths of Babes
On Tuesday mornings, I volunteer at Trev's school.
Last week, while we were waiting in line to go to recess, the girl behind Trevor was telling me how she'd fixed her own hair that morning.
Girl: I fixed my own hair today.
Me: Well you did a great job! It looks really nice.
Girl: Thanks. I did it all by myself. It was really hard, too. See? I put two ponytails in the back.
Me: You did a fine job!
Girl: Did you fix your own hair today?
Me: Yes, I always have to fix my own hair.
Girl: [....head tilted, contemplates my hair.... then says, rather sadly] You didn't do a very good job.
Me: That's OK.
sigh.
Hair-styling impaired, Ruth!
Last week, while we were waiting in line to go to recess, the girl behind Trevor was telling me how she'd fixed her own hair that morning.
Girl: I fixed my own hair today.
Me: Well you did a great job! It looks really nice.
Girl: Thanks. I did it all by myself. It was really hard, too. See? I put two ponytails in the back.
Me: You did a fine job!
Girl: Did you fix your own hair today?
Me: Yes, I always have to fix my own hair.
Girl: [....head tilted, contemplates my hair.... then says, rather sadly] You didn't do a very good job.
Me: That's OK.
sigh.
Hair-styling impaired, Ruth!
Monday, October 1, 2007
What'd You Call Me?!
How to Get a Massage - Part 4
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
Behave
I conclude my series of How to Get a Massage (or You Would Think It Was Obvious) with the concept of treating the massage therapist with respect.
Because I'll tell you what, it's all fun and games until you call me a whore. The obvious ones are easier to handle then the subtle freaks. These people skate on the edge of being inappropriate and they know how to do it really well. They say and/or do things where you can't really call them on it because if you're wrong, you could get in a lot of trouble.
I had a guy who was rolling his hips the entire massage. When he was face down, it was weird. When he was face up, I called him on it. "ANDRE! [his eyes flew open] Are you OK? Because you keep... fidgeting. Do you need me to, I don't know... adjust the bolster, adjust the blanket... leave the room? [Or go get your wife who's in the next room? I said to myself.]" He stopped.
I had a guy who was a complete talker. Blah, blah, blah. Here on vacation with his wife. She used to be wild but now she's always jealous of everything and no fun. I changed the subject and talked about movies I'd seen recently. He brought up TV and eventually brought up the show Six Feet Under and was edging toward the "happy ending" part. I stopped him before he got there and said how that's not massage but prostitution. He agreed and the conversation moved on. At the end of the massage he said, "I know it's not going to happen here, but that really would be the best way to end a massage." I said, "You're right. It's not going to happen." This client was the brother-in-law of our very sweet tennis pro. I hated to tell him his sister was married to a freak. I told him anyway.
I already told my horror stories here. Those were the really obvious ones. My friends had freaks, too. Like the guy Vanessa got who took an inordinate amount of time getting off the table after his massage. Getting off being the operative words here. We only had 10 minutes between clients to change the sheets and get the room ready for the next guest. I went in with Vanessa to help her because the ten minutes were up. There was a wadded up towel on the table. We looked at each other and I asked her, "Did you use a towel during the massage?" She said no and lifted a corner of the towel. The freak had left.... a DNA sample. We both shrieked, "EWWWWWWW! EW! EW! EW!"
She said, "Ruth, you have to move it. I just can't!"
Me: Why me??
V: Well.... you have 3 guys at home!
Me: OK, but 2 of them are 3 and 1 years old. They aren't doing that yet! Besides, you have an adult guy at home, too!
V: Please, Ruth. I just can't. I'm going to be sick.
Me: sigh. OK.
I used the sheets under the towel to thoroughly wrap the nasty thing so nobody (especially me) would have to actually touch it.
Then there's Christie (not her real name). She's a bit of a mouse. She was working on this guy and he was doing the weird squirmy thing - whenever she'd drape his leg, he'd move it so it would undrape. Finally, when he was face up and she was on one side of the table, working on a leg, and the door was on the other side of the table....
This yay-hoo actually points to the offending area (his crotch) and says, "So. Are you going to put some oil on the little guy?". Christie yanks the sheet over his leg and huffs, "This massage is over", as she's trying to work her way around the table to get to the door. The idiot continues, "No, no! Don't be mad! I go to those Korean places all the time! It's just part of it!"
My friend Grace and I were in between massages when Christie comes storming out of her room, almost in tears. She told us what the guy said, so we went in there to give him a little education. He was just getting off the table when we came in and he quickly laid back down and covered himself with the sheets. Here's what we told him...
Look, obviously you don't know, so we're going to have to tell you. For one, does this look like one of those "Korean places"?? Did you pay $20? And whenever you are asking for genital manipulation for money, you are soliciting prostitution. You just called our friend a whore. [He tries to butt in here. We don't let him.] No, no, you've said enough. You no longer get to talk. As for those Korean places - 99% of those women are brought here illegally with the promise of a better life. Once they are here, they are told they owe thousands more then the thousands they've already paid and are forced into slave labor. And who can they tell? If they go to the police, they'll be deported and once they get back home, they'll be shunned for having been forced to sell themselves. Anytime you go to those places, anytime you have "oil put on your little guy", you are committing sexual assault. That goes for pretty much any prostitute, because I can guarantee no little girl dreams of becoming one when she grows up.
After we'd thoroughly schooled this idiot, we let him go. Sort of. We called security and told them what he'd said. They didn't do anything with him but all his other spa treatments were promptly cancelled.
So. The definition of bad -
Genital manipulation for money is prostitution. If a person wants that, it's easy to find. If a person does that - fine, that's their choice (I actually think prostitution should be legalized and regulated) but call it what it is and quit giving legitimate massage therapists a bad name.
If a person needs to drop hints - verbal or physical - they need to go elsewhere.
In closing, it's easy to remember how to get a good massage -
Be on Time
Be Clean
Be Present
Behave
Thank you for joining us on our journey through the freaks and geeks of Massage World,
Ruth!
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
Behave
I conclude my series of How to Get a Massage (or You Would Think It Was Obvious) with the concept of treating the massage therapist with respect.
Because I'll tell you what, it's all fun and games until you call me a whore. The obvious ones are easier to handle then the subtle freaks. These people skate on the edge of being inappropriate and they know how to do it really well. They say and/or do things where you can't really call them on it because if you're wrong, you could get in a lot of trouble.
I had a guy who was rolling his hips the entire massage. When he was face down, it was weird. When he was face up, I called him on it. "ANDRE! [his eyes flew open] Are you OK? Because you keep... fidgeting. Do you need me to, I don't know... adjust the bolster, adjust the blanket... leave the room? [Or go get your wife who's in the next room? I said to myself.]" He stopped.
I had a guy who was a complete talker. Blah, blah, blah. Here on vacation with his wife. She used to be wild but now she's always jealous of everything and no fun. I changed the subject and talked about movies I'd seen recently. He brought up TV and eventually brought up the show Six Feet Under and was edging toward the "happy ending" part. I stopped him before he got there and said how that's not massage but prostitution. He agreed and the conversation moved on. At the end of the massage he said, "I know it's not going to happen here, but that really would be the best way to end a massage." I said, "You're right. It's not going to happen." This client was the brother-in-law of our very sweet tennis pro. I hated to tell him his sister was married to a freak. I told him anyway.
I already told my horror stories here. Those were the really obvious ones. My friends had freaks, too. Like the guy Vanessa got who took an inordinate amount of time getting off the table after his massage. Getting off being the operative words here. We only had 10 minutes between clients to change the sheets and get the room ready for the next guest. I went in with Vanessa to help her because the ten minutes were up. There was a wadded up towel on the table. We looked at each other and I asked her, "Did you use a towel during the massage?" She said no and lifted a corner of the towel. The freak had left.... a DNA sample. We both shrieked, "EWWWWWWW! EW! EW! EW!"
She said, "Ruth, you have to move it. I just can't!"
Me: Why me??
V: Well.... you have 3 guys at home!
Me: OK, but 2 of them are 3 and 1 years old. They aren't doing that yet! Besides, you have an adult guy at home, too!
V: Please, Ruth. I just can't. I'm going to be sick.
Me: sigh. OK.
I used the sheets under the towel to thoroughly wrap the nasty thing so nobody (especially me) would have to actually touch it.
Then there's Christie (not her real name). She's a bit of a mouse. She was working on this guy and he was doing the weird squirmy thing - whenever she'd drape his leg, he'd move it so it would undrape. Finally, when he was face up and she was on one side of the table, working on a leg, and the door was on the other side of the table....
This yay-hoo actually points to the offending area (his crotch) and says, "So. Are you going to put some oil on the little guy?". Christie yanks the sheet over his leg and huffs, "This massage is over", as she's trying to work her way around the table to get to the door. The idiot continues, "No, no! Don't be mad! I go to those Korean places all the time! It's just part of it!"
My friend Grace and I were in between massages when Christie comes storming out of her room, almost in tears. She told us what the guy said, so we went in there to give him a little education. He was just getting off the table when we came in and he quickly laid back down and covered himself with the sheets. Here's what we told him...
Look, obviously you don't know, so we're going to have to tell you. For one, does this look like one of those "Korean places"?? Did you pay $20? And whenever you are asking for genital manipulation for money, you are soliciting prostitution. You just called our friend a whore. [He tries to butt in here. We don't let him.] No, no, you've said enough. You no longer get to talk. As for those Korean places - 99% of those women are brought here illegally with the promise of a better life. Once they are here, they are told they owe thousands more then the thousands they've already paid and are forced into slave labor. And who can they tell? If they go to the police, they'll be deported and once they get back home, they'll be shunned for having been forced to sell themselves. Anytime you go to those places, anytime you have "oil put on your little guy", you are committing sexual assault. That goes for pretty much any prostitute, because I can guarantee no little girl dreams of becoming one when she grows up.
After we'd thoroughly schooled this idiot, we let him go. Sort of. We called security and told them what he'd said. They didn't do anything with him but all his other spa treatments were promptly cancelled.
So. The definition of bad -
Genital manipulation for money is prostitution. If a person wants that, it's easy to find. If a person does that - fine, that's their choice (I actually think prostitution should be legalized and regulated) but call it what it is and quit giving legitimate massage therapists a bad name.
If a person needs to drop hints - verbal or physical - they need to go elsewhere.
In closing, it's easy to remember how to get a good massage -
Be on Time
Be Clean
Be Present
Behave
Thank you for joining us on our journey through the freaks and geeks of Massage World,
Ruth!
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