People I've Never Met, Yet Despise

In the spirit of the season....

OK, in the anti-spirit of the season, I'm going to mention some people whom I've never met, yet I so. Hate. Them.

The woman I trade massages with opened a spa on Mainstreet in November 2006. I saw her putting up the Grand Opening banner shortly after we moved here. I thought, at the time, it was a bold move considering you could stand in front of her place, turn 360 degrees and see at least 5 other places you could get massage. Well, a year later, she shut her doors and moved her spa back to her home basement (which is lovely!). There were many factors and I'm proud of her for having no fear and taking her shot.

OK, so there's this other day spa 2 blocks away. It's set up in this old Victorian home and routinely wins Best Day Spa in Parker. I've never met the owner, but I hate that bitch! She has this HUGE black SUV with one of those big, magnetic, "Here's my business" signs on the side of it. She would always park right in front of this brand, new, just startin' out business of my friend's. That's so weak. If you're spa is getting "Best Of" ranking all the time, why do you need to try to steal business from a new place. Never mind the fact that you have completely different goals and styles (Best of Bitch is very upscale and has hair and nails available, too. My friend is very homeopathically inclined and more health oriented rather then pampery), it was twice as bad because my friend had an awning that said Health Spa, but didn't' say the name of her place. So people would get the number off the SUV and when they'd call to book, the desk was instructed not to tell the caller of their mistake. B.I.T.C.H.


And the guy at the restaurant, last week. We were seated and then they seated the table next to us with a couple who were obviously on a date. I say this because they sat next to each other, rather then across from. Sir. Take out your stupid cell phone ear thingy!! How F'in rude! And the lady with him should've said something. Aren't' you worth it to have an hour or two of his undivided attention? Are his phone calls more important then his time with you?? Sister, stand up and yank that thing out of his ear. Throw it into his drink, then toss his drink into his face and then go hang out with people who aren't looking over your shoulder to see if someone cooler's going to show up (or call).

Hate that guy.


And you! Yeah, you. The guy I saw at the post office yesterday. You know who you are. My friends haven't met you so I'll just tell them about you.

This guy walks into the post office as I'm about to leave. He's got short, spiky hair with frosted tips. He's got those super-baggy jeans and big Chanel, men's sunglasses. He's wearing a big, puffy white jacket with all those emblems all over it (a la Gucci handbags). Then he takes of his enormous shades and.... no. way. He's like 45. Years old.

I seriously couldn't help myself. I walked up to him and took him by his big, puffy, emblemized jacket front and shook him, "Dude. You. Look. Ridiculous!!"

In my head.

Seriously, though. It's bad enough when people dress like that anyway. But if you're going to do it, the time to do it is when you're young and stupid and have the excuse of being young and stupid. Once you hit - I don't know what the cut-off age should be but definitely before your in your 40's - you should stop. Just stop.


Also, the woman at Target yesterday who's mini-skirt was so mini we could see the bottom of your butt...
Well, there's just no good age for that. That should just. Not. Be.

She was in line ahead of me and the kid who was checking her out was a kid I used to work with all the time. He's a sweet, skate-rat and this lady had Mount Cleavage and kept reaching over the card swipe thing to show the kid stuff. Every time she'd reach, Mount Cleavage threatened to give this 16 year old boy a black eye! And he was clearly uncomfortable about it - he was looking everywhere he could to avoid looking at her.

When I was young and in high school, I used to dress all mod and punk and crazy. My personal theory was if I couldn't be pretty, I could at least be interesting. I know, I know, I'm pretty. It was that whole teen angst silliness. This lady ahead of me was pretty and there's never any reason to dress or act like that.

When she'd left and it was my turn for checkout, I said, "Man, she nearly put out your eye!" The sweet kid said, "Yeah, that was brutal. Nobody wants to see that. I'm a 16 year old guy who loves chicks and I don't even want to see that!"

How about you guys, anyone you've seen, never met 'em, but still want to just shake them?

Constantly perplexed by human nature, Ruth!