De Nada

I got nuthin'. So, as Rabbitch says, I'll try to keep it under 10,000 words.

For Tippa Tuesday, I'm going to refer you to my first tip. For those of you who weren't with me from the beginning. It's a brilliant tip and I should've waited til I had a bit of a readership... anyway, it's here.

A fresher tip is to go to The Sneeze. The blogger's name is Steve and he works at Nickolodean in some capacity. He's about the funniest F'er on the 'net.

More tomorrow. More prize pic's and more nonsense!

Slinking of in blog shame, Ruth!

3 vs. 300 = 5"

Don't you just love yarn math? On Friday, I was whizzing along on the Nightie. It only took me 3 minutes to get to the end of the row on the front piece. Of course, at the end, I had a wrong stitch something going on. The mistake was at the beginning of the row. It took me 300 minutes to tink the row. OK, it was more like 90 but it felt like 300. That 90 minutes included putting the boys to bed and lots of muttered cursing.

I was 3" into the 5" needed for the bottom lacy bits. I figured I'd crank out the other two inches over the weekend and show y'all today. It's amazing how little knitting gets done when one has a job to go to! I didn't do anything at all on it this weekend. BUT, I've been lazing around all morning (using the rest of the exaggerated 300 minutes) to finish the 5" just so you, my dear friends can see the finished 5". (My wrists hate me.)





Here's the injury my finger sustains every time I knit too long with this slippery cotton.

But that groove keeps the tension even!

Now for Massage Monday:
Another stretch. Remember, take these into a stretch, not into pain.
Last week, we put the right hand under the outside of the right thigh, palm up. This week, same thing only on the inner thigh. Your thigh is going to be the weight keeping your hand stationary. Pull your elbow up and out to the imaginary corner of the room. You should feel the stretch in the rhomboids. Pulling to the imaginary corner stretches the main belly of that muscle. After you stretch and hold for 7-10 seconds, now pull the elbow forward for 7 seconds, then straight out to the side to stretch the different fibers of the muscle. Remember, keep your shoulder down and relaxed. Breathe.

Rinse and repeat on the other side. Feels good!

What are you all still doing here??? The summer issue of knitty is up!

Looking for something new to cast on. Again. Ruth!

Yarn on the Rocks

Chris has all the lines on contests. Yesterday she had a link to this contest where you had to guess what the Unlucky meant. The blogger said to leave a haiku or something and she'd pick one (not at random) to be the winner. Here's what I left in the comment box:

Sung to the tune of “Love on the Rocks” by Neil Diamond…

Lucky in love
Ain’t no surprise
Unlucky in yarn
Mixed up all my dyes
Got nothin’ to lose
So you just sing the blues all the time


Gave yarn my heart
Gave yarn my soul
Yarn left alone here
With tangles to hold
Yesterday’s gone
Now all I want is a swift


First I say I want you
How I really need you
Suddenly I find I’m unlucky
WIP’s are all around

When they know they have you
The skeins, they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You’ve just got to knit, maybe crochet
We all know the song


You see what you need
You can knit what you want
Not much you can do
When the gauge is all off
May be blue skies above
But it’s cold when your
luck’s on the rocks

First they say you’re unlucky
You know you really ARE lucky
Suddenly you find you’re out there
Knitting up a storm


When they know they have you
The skeins, they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You’ve just got to knit, maybe crochet
We all know the song


Lucky in love
Ain’t no surprise
Pour me a drink
And I’ll spin you some plies
Yesterday’s gone
And now all I want is more yarn….

So don't copy me, K?

Neil Diamond songs stuck in my head now, Ruth!

The Thing About Boys Is...

sometimes when they are showing you the owies on two of their fingers, they are also telling you to rock on....

And they are realllllllly serious about wanting you to rock on. I love his expression in this pic.

Thank you to Yarnhog and Uberstrickenfrau for the following blog fodder today...

I am most definitely NOT pregnant. Two reasons:

1. After we found out Davis was a boy (sonogram) and that Dave's aunt was the first girl in 100 years, we decided to stop at two kids. We also figured that after two, they outnumber you. Davis was born in May (2003) and Dave went in that October to get a vasectomy.

2. My period sneaked up on me this morning. I hate when it does that.

Too much information next, be warned...

I'd been on the pill since I was 17 but after Dave got, well, fixed, I stopped taking it (duh). After being chemically regulated for sooo long, I never have any idea when it's coming. Except that there are days when I feel like a raging bitch and then I suspect the period is near. But then, sometimes I'm wrong and it's just that I'm a bitch.

Also, when Dave went in for his vasectomy, well, first off, the Dr. told him I had to sign off on the form, too! Apparently they don't want to be held liable for some guy sneaking one in without his wife knowing.

It's kind of a funny story, the whole experience. (Maybe not as funny for D.) When we went to the initial consultation, after the talking part there was an... inspecting part. The Dr. told D to drop his pants (more diplomatically, of course) so he could have a look. (Still not sure why he needed a preview, but whatever.) Dave and I both looked behind D at the open blinds, the setting sun and the second story view of the parking lot and all the people below. D looked at me, I looked at him, we both shrugged and he dropped trou. The Dr..... inspected. Dave pulled up his pants and we left the office.

At the elevator, I couldn't help myself and had to ask, "So. Was he gentle?"

D: Shut up.

Me: Were his hands soft?

D: Shut. Up.

Me: giggle

The day of the procedure, we went in and D. got (had?) it done. It was a really quick, 20 minute outpatient procedure and after, we went to the elevator again. From another office comes this young woman. She had 4 kids under the age of six and another (possibly two more) very obviously on the way. She was hugely pregnant with 3 kids running around her legs, and one in her arms, his fists full of hair. One kid hit the elevator button, two more screamed, "I wanted to do it!!!! She looked at us calmly, smiled and shrugged. We looked at each other and smiled, both thinking, "Oh yeah, soo just did the right thing!" (I swear the vasectomy place hired her.)

Truthfully, though, Dave was a lot more ready to be done then I was. I still kind of wanted 3 kids and wasn't ready to be done with the whole tiny baby aspect of it all. About a year later, the last woman in my little kid playgroup to have her second child finally did. When it was my turn to bring food for her food parade, I went to visit. She had just gotten the sweet little girl to sleep and asked if I wanted to hold her (the baby, not the mom). I asked, "Are you sure?" and she said yes with a look on her face that belied the fact that it was more of a request on her part, not mine. I took the baby as gently as I could and sure enough, the little cherub woke up and started squalling. She let the baby cry for awhile, then took her back and popped her on a boob. It was at that moment that I knew I was OK with not having any more kids. As sweet as the child was and as much as I ached to have another while holding her (even while she cried), the look of bone-tired fatigue on my friend's face... I knew I was done. I was 34 by then and realized, I too needed some sleep.

Besides, we got perfection twice, why mess with that?

Alright, as promised more prizes for the contest...

This is a great book and since I hate when people talk about a book and only show the cover...

Also, this lovely hand spun I got on ebay...

Neither of these crappy photos does the colors justice. They are lovely spring greens/yellows/blues. Very light and pretty colors. The seller described the yarn thusly...

"four skeins of my hand spun merino wool yarn. I helped shear this sheep, and washed the wool, carded it, dyed it with Kool-Aid, and spun it and plied it. It is between a fingering and sport weight. The colors are delicate, blue and yellowish green.There are about 350 yards here, enough for socks or a wide lace scarf. Since it is hand spun the thickness of the yarn is not perfectly even."

(Did I just say "thusly"?? Is that even a word?)

I haven't, as of yet, received any helmet liners. To sweeten the pot a little, whoever (whomever?) gets me the first one, gets to pick which prize they'd like.

Going to practice my grammar and syntax, Ruth!

The Thing About Boys Is...

sometimes you walk into their room and this is the first thing you see...

Silly boys.

Sorry for the late post but I woke up this morning feeling like a Mac truck ran me over. Twice. I've been mysteriously achy all day. And a little nauseous. Bleh.

Here's your Tippa Tuesday, shamelessly stolen from BeckyKnitsToo. She suggested a way to keep track of your rows as well as your stitch markers. The kind of stitch markers that slip into the stitch. She said to hook the markers into your knitting and leave one on the needle. When you get to row 2, hook another marker into the one on the needle (2 markers hanging), row 3 add another marker to the ones on the needle (3 markers hanging), etc. If it's, say, a four row repeat, when you get to row one again, put the other 3 markers back into the knitting! What a great idea!

Tomorrow, I'll be posting pictures of more prizes for my contest.

Going to go look for some chicken soup and pillows, Ruth!

ETA: Forgot to tell everyone. I know of a kitten up for free adoption. It's a male, between a long and short hair cat. It's mostly white with some grey spots. It's also mostly blind. I'm told it can see shapes and tell light from dark. I wonder how they know that? If you are in the Denver area and are interested at all, email me: Ruth AT 5elementknitr DOT com. Thanks!

EVERYone's A Comedian

I'm kind of all over the place today, so I apologize in advance. There's re-hashed yarn porn at the end!


OK, let's start with Massage Monday. Today a stretch....

This is a two part stretch.
Part 1 - Sit in your chair and look straight ahead. Slide your right hand, palm up, under your right thigh. Keep looking straight ahead and tilt your left ear straight down to your left shoulder. NO CHEATING... keep your left shoulder down. As with any stretch, you want to take it into a stretch, not into pain. (I'm talking to you, Rachel!)


Now, the second half of the stretch is simple. Keeping your head at the angle you've achieved with part one (left ear towards left shoulder), tuck your chin towards your right collarbone. You may feel this stretch down your back. This is fine.

Repeat on the other side. Hold each stretch for a good 10 seconds. Again, into a stretch, not into pain. Don't forget to breathe! When you get really good at this one, you can hang onto the underside of your chair instead of the underside of your thigh.


I've had some unexpected laughs this past week. Much needed ones, too. Last Wed. I had my orientation for Target. 5 hours. Ack! It was a lot of cheesy videos and paperwork. After the first hour, the General Manager of the store came in to meet/talk with us. His name is John and it was The John Show. The guy was super funny and had a game where we all had to tell him our name, last school attended, department we'd been hired for and favorite sugar cereal. The cereal had to come in a box (no Marshmallow Mateys) [sidebar: just googled that cereal to make a link. How weird is it that you can buy it on Amazon?] and once someone named a cereal it was off the table for everyone else. He also knew that the freeze-dried marshmallows in Lucky Charms are called Marbits and that Lucky Charms were the first to have them. There were 7 of us in orientation and I was picked 3rd to last. Cocoa Puffs are my favorite but were knocked out early so I went old school and chose Count Chocula. John said that's the best sugar cereal ever because not only do you get the chocolate milk, you also get the Marbits. He knows his cereals a little too well. Weird.


Then last weekend, our oldest came up with a couple of jokes on his own that were actually sorta funny! He's been interested in jokes for about two years now. Ever since his grandparents got them some Popsicles with jokes on the stick. You read the joke and the punchline is available further up the stick when the Popsicle is gone. He kept trying to come up with his own jokes but they never made sense so we finally bought him a little kid joke book. He calls it his "Ha Ha Ha book". OK, so two years later, he's making his own jokes and they finally make sense and are even funny!


First joke...
Needs a little back story. If you haven't seen the movie Cars, there's this little town and it's sorta rundown and the neon doesn't work. Well, around the middle of the movie, the neon gets fixed and there's a big party.
Trev said: When they had they're party, the cars can't play limbo. Do you know what they play?
Me: What?
Trev: Limo.
Of course, he's got to follow up so he makes sure you understand, "Get it? Limo? Like limousine."


The other joke...
Trev: What did the bed say to the kid?
Me: What?
Trev: I'm kidnapping you. Get it? Kid. Nap. Bed. Get it?
OK, that one was a bit dark. But he's six. Whaddya want?


I had my first day at Target yesterday and it was very trial by fire. But not too bad, really. I know that's contradictory, but if you know me, it's normal. I was left with a very nice older woman who showed me some stuff on the register at the 10 items or less line. Then after 1o minutes, she told me it was my turn. Another ten minutes and we are sent to register 5. The woman told me that 5 and 6 are the busiest registers. All. The. Time. And it's a Sunday, ya know. After another 30 minutes, her shift is up and she wishes me well and goes home. Holy crap, it was NON. STOP. I got one 15 minute break and then one 30 minute meal break. Other then that, I was a ringin' up fool. Good, I guess, made the time go faster. Only when I got home my feet and back were killing me. I beat up a tennis ball last night (newcomers need to look at past Massage Monday entries for that to make sense!).


There was a different older woman at the express register and in the occasional lulls, she kept telling me how I was rockin' and she was impressed with how well I was doing. Very sweet of here! But really, the registers they have, it's hard to screw up. I hate asking people if they want to apply for the Target card. Did you know it takes around 3 points off your credit score every time you apply for those store cards? Whether you get approved or not!


At my meal break, I ate and then got my knitting to work on for about 10 minutes before I had to go back to work. There was this man sitting next to me that literally exclaimed, "Hey!" when I pulled out the needles. He said, "My wife does.... [waves hand at knitting] that." I couldn't resist, I smiled and said, "Does what?" He said, "You know... [more hand waving and some knitting gestures] click, click, click. She made an afghan!" I thought it was funny his wife has this hobby that she does, "all the time" and he doesn't even know what it's called! He seemed pretty proud of her about it though! I told him he'd get major points if he went to the local yarn store and bought her a gift certificate. Gotta support the woman's habits! Especially since they are also my own.

See?....

The amazing Schaefer Anne sock yarn I won over at Nishanna's. Still can't believe she gave up this fiery awesomeness! I just love Nishanna's button with the classic painting of a girl knitting. The caption is priceless!


The-even-more-beautiful-since-it's-wound-up Fearless Fibers sock yarn. Can't wait to use these!



Still trying to figure out socks, Ruth!

Back Story

Here's a yarn smile for everyone. I actually tossed this onto the floor to take a pic and that's how it landed. What are the odds? It's the Mason-Dixon After Dark Nightie in progress. Doing the front and back at the same time (hence the two skeins). Yarn: Ornaghi-Filati Gong. Needles: Addi Turbos US 8, 32".

LOVE the stitch definition...



Alright, from here on out, it's some of what's going on at Casa 5elementknitr.

We first came to Parker, CO around Nov. 06. We were looking to buy a business and there were two around here (ish) that we flew out to see firsthand. It was also our first trip with just Hubby and I since T was born May/01. It was a whirlwind of a trip. We flew into Denver Tues. morning, spent the night in Colorado Springs (the site of the second business we came to look at) and flew out of Denver Wed. night.

We fell in love with the Parker/Castle Rock area. We knew we had to live there. We searched different businesses for over a year and finally settled on buying the FedEx route in Parker. I know, who knew those were for sale? Turns out the FedEx Ground guys are all independent contractors. Not FedEx Home or Express, they are employees.

We took a second mortgage on the house in Tucson, used it to buy the business and moved to Parker. A year, almost to the day, after we came out here the first time. We still love it.

We bought our house in Tucson in Jan/03 for about $130K. We sold it in Apr/07 for about 215K. Tidy little profit only the money was already gone, used to buy the business and move. And, if you're doing the math, we paid for two domiciles from Nov/06 - Apr/07. We are strapped to say the least.

We figured any money I'd make from a job would get sucked up in childcare so I've been a stay at home mom. We are paying around $600 a month for health care. Health care we never even use. We are all insanely healthy. But, you can't go with out it because, healthy or not, if there's an accident (broken leg or whatever) you're screwed. Like 10's of 1,000's of dollars screwed. So we pay.

We finally decided I had to get a full-time job with benefits. Again, anything I made, we knew would be sucked up into childcare but we figure the benefits would be worth it. (Not that they are exactly free either but at least not $600/month.) So I got a job at Target. As a cashier. Not exactly where I saw myself at age 37 but whaddya gonna do? And I shop at Target all the time plus the Target here has a full grocery store so we figure the employee discount wouldn't hurt either.

Well here's the dilemma. I'll be making $8/hour and any hours I work Monday - Friday, I'll be paying $10 an hour for childcare. Minimum. (Not like I want to go bargain shopping for childcare. It'd be dumber (and more dangerous) then bargain shopping for a tattoo.) The employee discount is only 10% and I won't be eligible for any benefits for 6 months.

Once Dave's parents move out here, whole different story. They'll watch the kids and I can work whenever. But they've just put their house up for sale in Tucson and with the market what it is.... who knows when they'll get here?

It sucks. Total Catch-22. Why is health care so god-awful expensive? Especially for really healthy people? When I run the world....

1. Health care won't cost nearly as much. It won't be free, I'm not that Utopian.
2. If you don't use the health care you're paying for, then you'll get at least a partial refund of the bucks you put out.
3. Free health care for kids. (I know. It's contradicting what I said in #1, but, they're kids.)

Speaking of people who should get refunds....
Karen, the midwife that delivered Davis got out of the midwife scene a few years ago. It cost her something like $16,000 or more to get out of her malpractice insurance! It was like they were holding her hostage. She couldn't stop being a midwife til she paid. The reason being that even though she was no longer in the business, someone whom she'd previously helped through a delivery could come along in the next 10 years (or whatever the statute of limitations is) and still sue her. So I say, when that time is up and there's no lawsuit, shouldn't the insurance company give her the money back?? Just sayin. Insurance companies suck ass.

Frustrated and going in circles about it, Ruth!