Celebrity Sightings

Alright, so I talked about the celebrities I’ve actually worked on. Now I’ll tell about the one’s I only saw around the hotel. I worked there for 7 years, so you might want to get a snack and take a seat….


Barry Sanders - he was working out in the exercise room and, man, is he ever huge! He was at the hotel for a charity thing.


Reba McEntire - passed her in the hallway.


KISS - I saw them getting into their tour bus when I was walking to my car to leave. I ended up behind their bus and, I don’t know if they were lost or what, but I was driving behind them almost all the way to my house! They must’ve thought I was stalking or something, but seriously, the way they went was NOT the way to the airport.


Rob Zombie - I saw him walking from the parking lot to the main hotel as I was driving in to work. He’s kinda hard to miss with those fantastic dreadlocks, full beard, and all those tattoos. When I got my schedule, I just about choked when I saw his name on my roster of clients. I was going to get to see all those tat’s close up and personal - so cool! Well, not so much. Turns out he and his wife wanted to be at Canyon Ranch and somehow ended up at Loew’s. They left before they got their services. Bummer.


Harrison Ford - OK, I didn’t actually see him but I heard him. On the phone. Ripping our desk staff a new one. He had scheduled two 8am massages and at 8:10 called the desk staff. The teenagers that worked the desk were all atwitter (he’s a flippin’ icon for pete’s sake!) and since no one was around that early except desk people (and the 2 therapists - me and Grace), they put him on speaker phone. It went a little something like this…

HF - Where are the therapists?
Desk Girl: Well, Mr. Ford, we were just going to call to see where you were. Are you running a little late this morning?

OK, I won’t go into it word for word but suffice it to say, Mr. Ford mistakenly thought he’d booked in-room treatments. Not real sure why he thought that, it’s nowhere in our brochures. We didn’t do those - we didn’t have the portable tables for that. He just assumed. He lost his mind and started yelling and calling her names I wouldn’t call a dog and saying stupid shit like, “Do you know who I am??” and ended up making this 17-year-old girl cry. What a tool.


Early in my career at the spa, we closed at 9p and did all our pay paperwork by hand. In triplicate. Good times. Anyway, Grace (who was my closest friend at work - we hung out and worked together a lot) and I were at the desk - it was late and we were doing our paperwork. There was this really tall woman hanging out at the desk, chatting with the staff. She had just worked out and was wearing a beanie cap and looking pretty rough. Well, Grace was staring at her and kept staring til finally I elbowed her and whispered, “Gra-ace!” Grace asked the woman, “I’m sorry, you look so familiar, do we know each other?” The woman said, “I don’t know, maybe we went to the same high school or something? Where did you go to school.” I leaned over to Grace and said, “Grace. She’s Geena Davis.” Grace was mortified and apologized profusely and Geena was very nice about it. (I think I mentioned last time that our employee handbook says not to make a big deal or ask for autographs or anything.) For years after that, anytime there was a celebrity at the hotel, we’d all bust on her and, within her earshot, say, “So-and-so is here. Don’t tell Grace!”


But about four years later, I had my own stupid move. Grace and I were walking up the stairs from the treatment rooms to leave for the day. There was this heavyset man at the desk and he was wearing these blue, Capri pants. I leaned over to Grace and whispered, “I have those same pants and as soon as I get home, I’m so throwing them away!” By now, our paperwork was finally computerized, so we could just leave. Well, we could leave except for checking out to make sure they didn’t book us something we didn’t know about. So as we’re waiting for the desk staff to finish helping the blue Capri man, I’m looking at him. Well, staring really. He’s watching me and seeing the gears in my head slowly turn - waiting for it…

Me: OHMIGOD! You’re that comedian! Holy crap, I think you are so funny! [I couldn’t remember his name and that was obvious but I blathered on anyway about how great I thought he was. Then it hit me what I was doing and I said…] Oh man, I’m so sorry. I could get in so much trouble for that because I’m in uniform.
Ron White: That’s OK. You’re secret’s safe with me. Thanks, though.


I think one of the most, well, I won’t say most famous, but certainly the most important person I had any contact with was Madelaine Albright. She was still Secretary of State at the time and was in Tucson to do the commencement speech at the University’s graduation. She got treatments every day she was there and she was a very kind and sweet person. I was still at the desk back then and all the desk people were marveling at the measures taken for her stay. She had EIGHT Secret Service guys with her. Four on break and four on duty. Some silly desk boy said, “Man! What a cushy job. All they do is sit around and drink cokes all day.” I looked at him like he was crazy and said, [slowly, and using small words, so he would understand] “No. Their job is to take. A bullet. Besides, they’re sitting around in wool suits in the Tucson summer heat. Yeah, that’s fun.”

Seriously, though, it was pretty wild. They had a bomb dog come and sniff all the cabinets before Ms. Albright received her services and he even sniffed the pool before she took her morning swim! It seemed like a really old dog - not decrepit or anything, just a lot of gray around the muzzle. After the dog did his job, we’d take turns slackin’ off to go play fetch with it.

On her second to last day, I was out by the pool playing with the dog (while Ms. Albright swam) and suddenly the head Secret Service guy comes over and grabs me by the upper arm…

Me: OW!
Scary Man: Who’s that guy!
[Let me explain. If you’re in the pool area and look West, all you see is scenery. If you are on the sidewalk above the pool and walk PAST the pool (going West), there’s actually a walkway there that goes to the golf cart place. So the Secret Service guys have some poor golfer slammed up against the pool’s fence and are dumping his golf bag and generally accosting this innocent bystander!]
Me: I don’t know! He’s probably just some guest!
Scary Man Who‘s Still Fiercely Gripping My Arm: What’s he doing over there??
Me: oo-oow! I’m guessing by the bag, that he’s going down to the golf carts! [Here I had the fleeting thought, ‘Let go of my arm! Don’t make me bust out my Army training!’. But my next, and clearly more sane thought was, ‘Yea. He’d snap me like a twig.’]
Scary Man [who clearly had no idea there was a path over there]: Man. We really fucked up.
Me: Well. You’re only human.
Scary Man [giving my arm an even HARDER squeeze as he nearly shouts at me]: We’re not paid to be human!
Me [finally pulling my head out and wrenching my arm away from him]: Dude, you need a massage.
I walked briskly back into the hotel only glancing behind me to see them straightening the golfer up and handing him his empty golf bag. Ms. Albright swam on, oblivious to the whole drama.

What a crazy life! Some say, “It must suck having to have that constant security and scrutiny.” I say, “Better that then the alternative!” The next day, when she was scheduled to do her speech and then fly off to other events, I was walking up the driveway to work (back when I used to actually park in employee parking). There must’ve been every single motorcycle cop in Tucson and the surrounding areas waiting in the circle leading to the front door. And every single one of them said “Hi” to me! It was very odd saying hello to about 30 motorcycle cops that early in the morning. (As if it wouldn’t be weird after lunch?)

Eyes full of stars, Ruth!

Name Dropping

Working on Annie Modesitt got me to thinking of my spa days and the famous people I either saw or worked on there.

I only worked on 3 or 4 famous people the entire 8 years I was at the spa but I saw lots of other well-known faces and will probably gab about them next week.

The first person I worked on was Ryan Leaf. My husband says this man's nickname was Cryin' Leaf and he was the most disappointing first round draft pick in NFL history as he spent most of his career on the disabled/injured list. I say, maybe so, or maybe he was smart and didn't over push himself into early retirement or early arthritis by respecting his body and, guess what? He still makes his millions.

Anyway, I wasn't even supposed to work on him. Another therapist named Chris was scheduled with him and Chris bailed. He said he didn't think Ryan would want a guy working on him and that he (Chris) was tired and Ryan would probably want some super-deep tissue work that he (Chris) just wasn't up to. Personally, I think Chris just wanted to go home early. They asked if I'd cover the massage and I said sure, having no idea who Ryan Leaf was.

They told me he was an NFL quarterback and I expected someone much bigger. He was tall and well built but I guess I was thinking you'd have to be even more muscular or something. Dave says quarterbacks aren't always that big.

Ryan didn't want super-deep tissue and he fell asleep almost as soon as he hit the table! He was the first client I ever had that was actually drooling on the floor through the face cradle. He certainly wasn't the last and it'd make me laugh every time. I heard this little *splick* sound as the drool hit the saltillo tile on the floor. I looked under the face cradle and saw the wet, then I just tossed a small towel down there and kept going. I didn't wake him (or anyone that ever fell asleep like that) until I needed him to turn over. I figure if they are that tired, they need the rest.

He was a nice guy and an excellent tipper. Chris was stupid for leaving! After I finished with him, I was upstairs doing my paperwork before I got to go home. Ryan came up and was wandering around the retail area of the spa picking out golf shirts (at about $80 a pop). A man came in that knew him and, was obviously associated with him somehow, because the guy picked up a couple of shirts and said, "Hey Ryan, can I have these?" Ryan said sure and told the desk girl to put those on his tab, too. He must've dropped about a grand that day in services and retail. I've always wondered who the mooch was... brother? friend? entourage? Either way, he should've bought his own damn shirts!

About a year later, I worked on Curt Schilling. He was pitching for the DiamondBacks at the time and was staying at the spa during Spring Training. He got me as his therapist and received a deep tissue massage. He requested me the next day! That was pretty cool. The second time I worked on him, he signed up for a 75 minute massage and asked me to work just on the rotator cuff and arm on his pitching side. Holy cow! That was tough. Hmmmm, here's everything I ever learned in massage school about arms, and.... let's try this! I was makin' stuff up by the end of it! Another really nice guy and another fantastic tipper.

This next celebrity won't mean much to anyone unless you're from Nebraska. My husband is a HUGE Nebraska Cornhusker fan. )Dave was born in Nebraska but they moved when he was 4!) I worked on this wonderful woman named Nancy Osborne. She was talking and asked if I was from AZ and I said I grew up in CA and where was she from? She said Nebraska. I explained that my fiance was from there. She said her husband used to coach the football team there. I didn't quite hear her correctly at first since she was face down in the face cradle so I asked her to repeat that. She did and I laughed. I said, "You probably hear this all the time but my fiance would LOVE to meet your husband!" She said normally it wouldn't be a problem but they were leaving right after her massage to fly to Phoenix for a book-signing. We talked further, with her asking about our wedding plans. I told her about them and explained that we already had all the names picked out for any future children. I told her how I agreed to let Dave name any first boy with the initials spelling Tom and the middle name being Osborne. Her husband's name. She was laughing so hard, I thought she'd fall off the table! She is one of the sweetest, kindest people I've ever worked on. And not just because of the following...

After my shift that day, I was leaving when one of the desk girls told me there was something waiting for me at the front desk. "What," I joked, "A pink slip?" She said she didn't know. I walked over to the main hotel and there was an envelope waiting for me. Nancy had her husband leave an autograph for Dave! With his name on it and everything! The registration girl was from Nebraska, too and asked if she could Xerox it. I said, "It says, 'Too Dave', but go ahead!" Those Nebraskans are nuts.

Dave had to work that Saturday and so he'd dropped me off and was picking me up. As we were driving out of the hotel driveway, I mentioned that I'd worked on a really nice woman from Nebraska, "What was her name.... oh, yeah, Nancy Osborne." He hit the brakes almost putting me into the dash (I hadn't put my seat belt on yet) and said, "The Nancy Osborne??"
Me: Who's The Nancy Osborne?
D: Only Tom Osborne's wife!!!
Me: Ohhhhh. Well maybe that's why she left you this! [pulls out autograph with a flourish]
I had it framed really nicely for his birthday that year.

The last famous person I worked on was Greg Kinnear. It was during the Clinton trial and my last client of the day was still in the workout room, working out and watching the trial. It was 5 minutes til his treatment started so I went to tell him that it was almost time. Honestly, when the girls at the desk told me who I was working on, I can't say I recognized the name right away. They were all atwitter and I remember thinking the name sounded really familiar. They explained he was the gay artist from As Good As It Gets (which has just been released on DVD) and then I remembered he was the original host of Talk Soup. Love that guy!

I went into the gym and saw him on the treadmill, walking and completely engrossed in the trial on TV. I walked up to him and said, "Mr. Kinnear, I don't mean to interrupt your workout but your treatment starts in about 5 minutes and if you wanted to take a shower beforehand or anything..."

He looked at the clock and said, "Oh Crap! Yes. Yes. Um. OK. Yes. A shower. OK. I'll be right there." He took off, literally running for the locker room! I stood in the hallway and waited. He was out in about 8 minutes but since he took a shower, he got his full time. We walked down the hall together and he was apologizing profusely for being late. I told him it was OK and don't worry about it. Then he starts dancing down the hall (I'm not making this up) and singing, "Just breathe, de-stress, de-stress." That's pretty much how the whole treatment went. He was a real talker and a hysterically funny guy; he cracked me up the whole time!

In the employee handbook we are forced to read in our orientation to become employees at the hotel, there's a very specific place that says, "Don't make a big deal and don't ask for autographs" when we see a celebrity. So I didn't. I asked Greg how he spent his day, was he in the car, at a desk or what? I ask this a lot and in context so that I can give people stretches to do throughout their day. He said, "Well, sort of both" and I could tell by the way he said it that he was a little hurt that I didn't know who he was. I said, "Just kidding, I know who you are. But we're supposed to act like we don't know." He laughed and we kept going with the treatment. And yes, I asked for, and got, an autograph afterward.



When he was leaving, I was still at the desk doing my paperwork. Another therapist named Laura was hanging out at the desk, too. She wasn't working but she came to the spa everyday to do laps in the pool. When Greg came upstairs, she accosted him and started asking him if he remembered her from last year. Apparently she'd given him his first massage ever when he was there a year ago. He clearly didn't remember her but was being polite about it. She said, "Why didn't you request me?"

Greg: Uh, I'm sorry. Um. I didn't know I could do that?
Laura: Oh well, that's OK. I guess you have to get whatever they give you.
Me: HEY! I'm standing right here!
Laura: Well. That's not what I meant.
Greg: [clearly uncomfortable and sliding towards the door] Thanks for everything, Ruth! [nearly ran away!]

(Laura called me later to apologize, which is what she's famous for. It was the 3rd such phone call I'd received from her in the year that I'd known her. I told her not to call and apologize anymore. I said, "Isn't it so much easier to call and apologize later then to actually think before you speak??")



Anyway, for a couple of years after I worked on Greg Kinnear, whenever Dave and I would see him on-screen somewhere, I'd lean over to Dave and whisper, "I touched his butt." (In a perfectly professional manner!)



Next time, I'll tell about the people I met but didn't work on!



Stars in my eyes (and occasionally under my hands!), Ruth!