B is for Baseball

Last year, during my Alphabet Soup, I had other things I wanted to tell y'all about but when I'm stuck in Alphabet Soup, I dedicate myself to it and try not to cheat.

One of the things that I didn't get to write about was the boys' baseball adventures!

T was on a "beginning" team for his age group and he did really well! He improved his catching and hitting and just look at that stance...

On the team, he usually played either 1st base or catcher.

He was growing his hair out until the first game on a hot day when he spent most of his on-field time in the catcher's outfit. He asked us to cut it that very night! (We usually clipper-cut their hair at home, really short. This past year, both of them have been growing it out and it looks quite good on them!)

The coach for T's team was about 6'7" and a very big guy. His son was the main pitcher and was also quite a bit taller then anyone else on the team. He was very mellow and laid back and the kids seemed to really like him. Dave assistant coached as many practices as he could make and all the games as well. I think he really enjoyed it! It got him to thinking of joining a softball team of his own because he really loved playing back in the day. Of course, with his schedule, he found it to be nearly impossible and didn't do it. Anyway....

The last time Trev played baseball, he was about 5 years old, playing T-ball and the smallest baseball pants were so loose on him that he had to hold them up when he ran around the bases.

D2 played, too. He played on an "advanced" team in his age group, despite never having played before. The other kids on this team were mostly from his class at school and the coach said not to worry about the "advanced" label and that he would work with D2. He did work quite a lot with Davis and the 3 other boys that weren't as skilled as the rest. He is a very patient, high-energy guy and a great coach. There were three other dads who also helped with the coaching and they were all very kind and patient with the boys.

Of course, every team (or classroom) has a horrible child, and the one on D2's team.... every time I saw that kid I wanted to smack his dad. The kid's name was... we'll say J and he was such a shit. During practice one day, he was being rotten and his dad said, "If you do that again, I'm going to make you run to the fence and back." 20 seconds later, he does "it" again and Dad says, "OK, go run to the fence and back" and J says "NO" and Dad says, "ok, well... don't do it again" and 10 seconds later... J does it again. Aaaaand There You Have It, no consequences, and J is quite the little shit. I've seen that kid KICK his dad and throw his glove at his dad and the dad never did ANYthing about it!

Before each game, the dads would pair up the kids to play catch and warm up. At the last game, J got paired up with D2 and he flat out refused to play with D2 saying how "crappy" a player D2 was and how much he sucked. D2 just stood there, not really paying attention (but I know he heard that hateful child) and J's dad also just stood there saying things like, "Now J, that's not nice. You have to play with him. Be nice. Stop saying that." blah, blah, blah. J wouldn't "be nice" and he refused to play w/D2 (again, throwing his glove at his dad) and I was getting out of my chair to handle it when one of the other assistant-coach-dads (the really uber-competitive one of all people!), walked out there, took J by the arm and said, "You do NOT treat your teammates like that. AND, you do what the coaches tell you. Now shut your mouth and practice with D2 or you don't get to play today." J shut his mouth and did as he was told. Amazing what a tiny bit of discipline can do, right?

Here's D2 at bat, wearing his ball cap under the batting helmet (told y'all he was new at this!).


Here's D2 after the season with his first ever tiny trophy...

He was more interested in the trophy then he ever was in the game. Next time, we'll put him in a beginner team and maybe he'll like it better!

One of the coolest things that happened during that time was a different ball game...

One of Dave's half-brothers got tickets for all the boys to go to a pro-game on Mother's Day. (And, as an aside, can I just say what a joy it was having the house all to myself to knit and watch whatever I wanted all day!! Best Mother's Day present ever!)

So both half-brothers (Jerry and John), Dave, their dad (grandpa) and both the little guys (T and D2) went to see the Rockies play the Brewers at Coors Field in Denver. After the game, Dave and the little guys were in the stands at one end of the bull pen watching the relief pitcher throw baseballs to the crowd on the other side of the bull pen. Dave told T to shout out and ask the pitcher to throw one their way so T did.

Dave told me that the pitcher threw hard and Dave was making a move to get down to the edge of the balcony to get it. He slowed down though since he saw that the ball wasn't going to make it. He said, "T reached over the railing with his glove and 'boop' CAUGHT that ball!" He said it was such a great catch that the crowd on the other side of the bull pen all cheered!

I loved having my day to myself but I'd've given almost anything to've seen the look on T's face when he caught that ball! He slept with that ball for over a week!

Maybe this year they'll try Basketball, Ruth!

A is for Ambition

(This post is long and full of links. For sake of ease and sanity, all the knitting/yarn links are Rav links and TBD means To Be Determined. You don't have to click on every link, obviously, but after all this writing, I timed how long it took to link everything and it was about 45 minutes at which point I decided not to link all the yarn. And so dear friends, let us begin our journey into my 3rd annual Alphabet Soup....)

This year I've got plaaaaans, baby!

I have BIG knitting plans this year! I also have many small knitting plans, like the KAL where you knit a xmas ornament every month, only I'll be doing two every month - one for each boy. But here' s the bulk of the big plans...

On Ravelry, I joined the 10 in 2010 group and it was enormously helpful in setting some knitting goals and actually following through! That group stated that you needed to do 10 different fiber projects using ten different yarns. I like that the group lets you change your list as much as you like - that was a HUGE help in my ability to make my list! It changed several times throughout the year but this post is already too long so I'll post about all that later.

One thing I wasn't crazy about with that group is they didn't count WIP's. Donna's idea for the WIP Cup helped out quite a bit but there's still too many WIP's and UFO's in my life. (For those that don't knit, a WIP is a Work In Progress and a UFO is an UnFinished Object. My personal definition for UFO vs. WIP means that a UFO is something that's been dormant for over a year.) But they've change that this year! The 11 in 2011 group isn't so much a list of 11 projects, they've opened it up to 11 goals. Here's my 11 goals in several different categories...

WIP’s/UFO’s:

Vivian - one sleeve and part of another done (WIP)
Thorpe Mittens - wristy parts done (WIP)
Cranberry Throw - 1 of 4 panels half done (this may get frogged if first panel isn’t big enough) (WIP)
Mom’s Vest - 1/3 done (it’s terribly boring but at least the yarn is splitty!) (UFO)
Icarus - 25% done (UFO)
Baudelaire - one foot of one sock done - I'll probably start the other foot, then join the two for 2-at-a-time-toe-up to finish the legs. (UFO)
Blue/Green socks - half of first leg part done (need to switch it from DPN to Magic Loop) (UFO)
Habu Lace Scarf - 25% done
Fix Woodsy Owl - My 2010 Olympic project; finished it, but apparently I’m not as short as I think - need to lengthen
Jitterbug socks - 2-at-a-time toe-up, both feet 1/2 done
Stupid Bath Mat - 14 ever-growing rounds to go - blech

My Designs :

Cat Bed
Mitteny things
Handspun Vest - half done (UFO)
Grace - half done but may start over. Again. (UFO)
Fair Isle - 10% done (UFO)
Yellow Scarf - 80% done
Reunion shrug - restart. Again.

New Sweaters:
Poet Sweater - Yarn: Classic Elite Miracle
#77 - Yarn: Brown Sheep Lamb's Pride Bulky
Pioneer - Yarn: Lorna's Laces Worsted
Isabella - Yarn: Rowan 4ply
Arbor - Yarn: TBD, possibly some Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece I have
Washington Square Vest - Yarn: Araucania Ranco Solid (saving this one for Octobervest)
Aleita - Yarn: Rowan Calmer

Socks:
Saxon The City - I have all that Malabrigo Worsted in Jaen color that a friend gave me. I've overdyed most of it (leaving some un-overdyed for the contrasting bits) (thigh-high KAL)
Dave’s Diagonal Rib Socks - DIC Smooshy Raining Cats and Dogs
Skew - Black Trillium Coraline
Eleanora - Blank Stare Crater Lake (knee-high)
DK Swirl Socks - mystery pink dk yarn
Gothic Temptress - Casbah (knee-high)
Naniboujou - KnitPicks bag ‘o sock yarn
Anastasia - blind grab into the sock bin
Francie - Dizzy Blonde Studios Queen of Tarts
Lakeside - Fearless Fibers Smoke (knee-high)
Candle Flame Stockings - TBD (knee-high)

Hats:
2 Shark Hats - Berroco Comfort
Turn a Square - Cascade 220 and Noro Silk Garden
Bounce - TBD but probably Malabrigo
Hannah - TBD
Dorothea - TBD
Miniature Top Hat - Patons Classic Wool
Caulfield - blue tweed stuff I lost the ball band for
Hermione's Hat - Cascade 220
Nottingham - 2 colors of Berroco Jasper (one color for the bottom and top ribbing, a different color for the cable section)
2 Thorpes (one each for the boys) - Berroco Comfort doubled
Claudia - TBD
Marsan Watchcap - TBD
Trilobyte - TBD
Sutro Heights - TBD
Knotty But Nice - Rowan Pure Wool Aran (I actually finished this last night, but as usual with hats, I'm going to have to frog and reknit it. I thought the Aran was thicker then worsted called for in the pattern but with my overly tight knitting and the cables, it's too tight to pull over an adult-sized head. sigh.)

With all these hats, I'm determined to break my hat curse. As you can see with the Knotty But Nice, the hats are still winning.


Miscellaneous:
No-Sweat Pants - Bernat Illusions
Flutter Scarf - Habu laceweight Smoky color

Colorwork:
Every year I say I’m going to try/master Fair-isle. This time, hopefully, I will! I'm starting small with wristers and then longish finglerless mitts.
Zombies Need Not Apply - Knitpicks wool
Snowball’s Chance - Knitpicks wool

Goals:

1. Stash ONLY (the one exception is the Lamb’s Pride Bulky Charcoal Heather I need for #77) I know I've said this before but I had a bit of a wake-up call when I was doing some xmas knitting. I had my Bin 'O Felting Wool and I dug through it looking for the things I needed. I saw that I would need some dark brown and some black felting wool for my projects. I was going to buy some in a few days but inbetween, I had to dump out all the yarn to temporarily use the bin for something else. When I dumped out the yarn, there was the dark brown AND the black wool I needed! Even digging through the bin from the top, I missed it. My stash is completely out of control and I have to STOP! To that end, I've joined the Ravelry Cold Sheep group which is a support group for those trying to stop yarn purchases cold turkey. Also, all the lists above use yarn I already have and if I complete them all.... that's about 150 skeins of yarn. I feel if it's gotten so bad that I don't even KNOW what I have? That's pretty pathetic. Which leads us to my next goal...

2. Photo and post ALL stash
I have about half of it posted now. (OK, maybe quite a bit less then half.) I suggested to my knitting group that we get together for a stash photo shoot. We are doing this on the 2nd of January and I can't wait! I'm bringing my Ott lites, my tripod, my cameras, my light box and a gaggle of yarn. One of the women in the group was kind enough to offer her house and it should be lots of fun! I've already put all the stuff I want to photo tomorrow into my Ravelry stash - the make/model, the color/dye lot, and the quantity of each. I've still got a LOT that needs to be done but it's a start!

3. Organize/cull queue
I have Q.A.B.L.E. as well as S.A.B.L.E. This may be my downfall. I try to be brutal but I really do want to make EVERYthing in my queue! Plus when I'm working, I can see Ravelry but it's very "look but don't touch". I can click on things, I can type in the search boxes (pattern or yarn or whatever) but I can' talk to people in the group forums or respond to messages. If I try to, it disappears like a popped soap bubble and takes with it any other web pages I had up. So basically, all I can do is read the forums and look stuff up. Looking at patterns leads to a a bigger queue.

4. Assign stash yarn to suggested projects
I think finding projects (from my extensive queue) for the yarn I have will go a long way to keeping me stash oriented.

5. Four squares each of the boys’ blankets.
I’m taking the stitch-pattern-a-day perpetual calendar I bought years ago, using dates that are relevant to our family (birthdays, anniversaries and such) and making each boy a 16 square twin-bed-sized blanket. 14 squares of dates and 2 squares with their initials. I want to be finished by the time they go to college. They are currently 7 and 9.

That's it!
I know this seems like a special kind of crazy; like I'm biting off WAY more then any one person can chew but the 12 hats are small projects, there’s 16 things that are in various states of WIP/UFO/partially finished (that includes the half-finished ones in the “My Designs” category), and the new sweater projects…. all but 2 of them don’t even have sleeves and one of those is bulky yarn! The socks will be the killer challenge - especially all those knee-highs.

In 2010, I designated Sundays as WIP/UFO days which meant I could only work on the older stuff and it seemed to work pretty well for keeping me on board with finishing those items, so I'm going to go with that again this year. Also, my new job is me sitting at my desk at home for 40 hours a week answering customer service calls (AlpineAccess.com - if you need a job) and I’ve got it down enough now where I can actually do quite a lot of knitting while I work. So that’s like a generous 15-20 hours a week of knitting time!

I've already printed out all the above patterns and put them in their own pretty binder. It's a 1" binder and with all those patterns in there it isn't even that fat, so that's encouraging!

The only thing wrong with all these exciting new projects is that I want to cast on all of them RIGHTNOW!!!!, so I'm trying to be reasonable about that as well.

Casting on some of them, Ruth!

Five Minutes

I’d say I never dated guys I met at the clubs I worked in but that would be a lie. For the first six months or so, I’d meet some guy that seemed really cool and I’d give it a shot but it always turned out to be one of three things…

1. They thought I’d be stupid and easy. I’m neither.
2. They turned out to be married. I don’t play with other people’s toys.
3. After about the 3rd date, they’d start bitching about my job. Hello? Where’d we meet?

I pretty much just gave up on men altogether for a long time. Not like I changed teams or anything, I just realized that it wasn’t worth it to try and date someone I met at work and since all I did was work and school… I was just happier alone.

There was a firefighter I dated for a few months that seemed promising but he turned out to be a heavy drinker and I already babysat one drunk and wasn’t about to go that route again.

I started working at the clubs in April 1996 and by October 1998, I was really getting burned out on it all. The money was amazing, the hours were short but I was really starting to hate guys. I was trying to hang on until I graduated massage school the following April but I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.

One night, it was SUPER slow and there was a feature dancer so the money wasn’t flowing well. It was about 10p and I had another hour to go on my shift. I was walking over to the manager to see if I could leave early when this group of 6 guys came in the door. I figured I’d squeeze $50 out of them real quick, and then go. One of them had a streak of blood down the front of his knee from a cut of some sort and since he was the cutest one and had a built-in ice-breaker, I went up to him first.

I leaned over him and said, “If I promise to be careful of your knee, would you like a dance?” He looked a bit shocked (odd) and said yes. I gave my usual up sell, “Would you like it here or in VIP?” and he said VIP so up to the little bench-couches we went.

By then the song was mostly over so we decided to wait for the next song. I forgot about the feature and the next song started her next set. We aren’t forbidden to work while the feature is up but it’s strongly advised that we don’t. It’s considered rude. Whatever. So this guy and I sat in VIP and we started talking. He was crazy funny and was really crackin’ me up! We talked for nearly an hour and I finally gave him a dance.

This is where the story differs as he swears he asked me out but I know I asked him. I told him that I was getting off work and that my friend and I usually went to the 5 and Diner to get something to eat and if he and his friends wanted to meet us, that’s where we’d be.

I went upstairs and changed and when I came outside, that guy was there by himself. He said his friends didn’t want to leave but that he could use a bite to eat. We drove our separate cars to the Diner. I was really embarrassed that Mary didn’t show, like I was just giving this guy a line or something, right? But it turned out just fine! We talked for 2 more hours and Dave and I have been talking ever since!

Even at the diner he was killin’ me! After we ate, he said he’d pay and I said, “Don’t be silly! I invited you. I’ve got money. In fact, I got-ch-your money!” The waiter laughed at that but Dave insisted so he paid.

Our first official date was a double-feature Jackie Chan at the Drive-in Theater. I suggested it but Dave went for it and I thought that was cool!

I worked at the club for a few more months after we met and he was never weird about it. He knew it was just a job for me. It wasn’t until months later that he said the reason he agreed to get a dance was because I caught him off guard asking about his knee. He’d just recovered from reconstructive knee surgery recently and was shocked I could see the scar in that dark club. I told him about the blood on his knee and we had a stupid laugh over that.

I actually got fired New Year’s Eve 1998. I was dancing for one guy and his buddy kept touching my leg and I did that “I’m-smiling-but-I’m-pissed” thing and said, “Stop touching me.” and signaled the bouncer. I saw the bouncer heading our way, so I turned my back on Touchy McToucherson and continued the dance for the one guy. The Toucher one smacked my ass about as hard as he could. I turned around and clocked him right in the mouth. I hit him so hard his chair tipped over backwards! By this time the bouncer was there and stopped me from stomping that asshole with my heels.

The manager called the cops. He apologized to me for it but said for liability issues, he had to. When the cops showed up, they asked McTouchy if he wanted to press charges; the guys lip was split, puffy and bleeding and he said, “Hell yeah!” Then the cop turned to me and asked if I wanted to press charges for sexual assault. The customer was all, “Wait. WHAT?? WTF??” and the cop said, “Look, sir, you know you’re not allowed to touch anyone in here and as far as we’re concerned, she was just defending herself.” I said to forget it and I just went home. Before I left, the manager said he had to fire me (liability purposes again) but that if I wanted to come back in a month it’d be fine. I said, “You know, Mark. I think I’m done. If I can’t be diplomatic anymore….. I don’t know, man.”

I borrowed some money from my mom and finished massage school. Dave and I moved in together the following April and got married the April after that!

The thing is… I was leaving! And Dave never goes to any bar much less a strip club (a fact a friend of his confided to me a few months later). He and his crew just finished a huge 3 month job at the golf course and they talked him in to going out to celebrate. Had it been 5 minutes later, we would’ve never met.

Fortuitous five, Ruth!

Friends In Low Places

Part One. Part Two. Part Three.

Part Four:

I didn’t make a lot of friends at the clubs I worked in. Most of the girls that worked there were all full of drama and I don’t have the patience to put up with it. But, as I said before, I have that face that makes people tell me stuff I don’t care to know and then they ask my advice even though my advice is usually along the lines of “fix it or shut up about it already”.

There’s the tiny, young chick who was complaining to me about her boyfriend. She said to me, “You wouldn’t like him.” I said, “Why do you say that?”
Her: He’s in jail.
Me: What’s he in jail for?
Her: For putting me in the hospital. He nearly beat me to death. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks.
Me:……..[silence]……
Me: Why do you like him?
Her: I don’t. Not really. Not anymore. We have a kid together and I think I’m pregnant with another one of his.
Me: How’d that happen? You said he’s been in jail for a few months now.
Her: He pays off the guards so we can sneak into the bathroom together. I don’t really want to even visit him anymore much less have sex in a jailhouse bathroom but I have no choice.
Me: What do you mean you have no choice?? You always have a choice.
Her: No, you see… he’s head of a gang and he sends all his little gang-banger cronies to check up on me. Last time I didn’t visit him, he had one of his boys come find me and beat me down. I’m scared to not visit and do what he says.

I gave her the name and number of a person who helps abused women get away safely. I don’t think she ever did anything with it and she was pregnant again.

There’s the girl who’s boyfriend would drop her off when the club opened at 11am and pick her up when it closed at 2a then next morning and take all her money to buy crack.

There’s many others and like I said, before and after work, I got ready in the locker room as fast as I could manage to avoid all that mess and drama.

I did have a couple of friends though.

At TD’s, we had a “customer appreciation” night and the club wouldn't have to pay the club the usual $5 an hour to work those nights because there were lots of “free” dances. I put free in quotes because if the DJ or waitresses caught a guy not tipping after a free dance, they would call them out on it and embarrass them.

On these free dances, you would give a guy about half a song and move from guy to guy. At one point Cheryl and I ended up at the same guy and we laughed and gave him a double! It turned into a very profitable gimmick for us and we would dance together for people all the time. Sometimes, after work, we’d go get something to eat together but that was about the extent of our friendship.

At Ten’s I became pretty good friends with a girl we’ll call Mary. Mary and I talked at work all the time and we hung out outside work quite a lot. She was another with man troubles though. She was dating one guy who was a complete tool and dating is a rather loose term for what they had. He mostly booty called her and she’d always go when the phone rang. She was at the end of him when we started hanging out. I remember she called me from a bar a few miles from the really crappy part of town I lived in. She was there with that guy and his buddy and they were all playing pool and did I want to meet them?

I had nothing better to do so I went. She and I were sitting by the pool table waiting our turn, she put her feet up on my knees and I asked how her ankle was doing (she’d twisted it slightly at work the previous week). Her guy came over and said, “Oh, now I know why you like her [meaning me], she’s obviously a dyke.” I said, “I’m not but with guys like you around I wish I was.” He got all up in my face and we almost threw down! What a dick! When she finally dumped him, she told her mom how much she liked him and how heartbroken she was over the break-up and her mom asked if Mary would mind if she [mom] dated him!

We actually saw them at a hockey game we went to. They were on a date! WTF?

Mary ended up dating and eventually marrying and having a kid with some other abusive asshole and we fell out of touch. Last I heard, she divorced that guy. I wonder where/how she is?

The club had Feature Dancers about once a month. These were “professionals” – either porn stars or women who made their living posing naked for magazines. The feature hangs out in the locker room and every two hours from 7p-close, she comes out and does a 4 or 5 song show. Different costume each time and lots of build-up inbetween. Then she signs pic’s of herself and sells them or sometimes, she’ll take polaroids with the guys and sign/sell those. On top of the picture sales, the clubs pay them a few thousand a night to show up and do their thing.

I remember one skinny neck bitch whose man had parked his truck practically on top of my Mustang in the parking lot. His back bumper was touching mine and had scraped some of my paint. Now the old girl's paint was bad enough without help so I asked for their insurance info. They refused to give me that info so I had to call the cops and it was this big stupid scene. It was pretty funny though when she made a run at me and the cops put her ass on the ground!

There were the twin sisters feature act and I thought that one was a bit…disturbing. They didn’t touch each other but one show they did, one sister was seated, topless, blindfolded and tied to the stage pole while the other (wearing a floor-length hooded cape and not much else) dripped candle wax on the seated sister’s tits. Ummm. Ew.

One feature was really nice to me. She was a tiny, curvy blonde and her claim to fame was getting the cover of Swank magazine more times then any other model. She took a shine to me and we talked for a long time in the locker room, when I was getting ready to leave. I told her how cool it was that she could be so sexy and never wear stilettos in her shows! (One outfit was a construction worker’s costume w/timberlane boots). The conversation went from there. When I mentioned her impressive number of Swank covers she said, “It’s not as impressive as it sounds, my dad owns the magazine.”
Ummmm. Ewwwwwww. I went home shaking my head the whole way. One of those things you can never unknown, right?

One of the best features I saw involved a shower. I thought it was her own set-up but turns out it was a new thing that Ten’s had purchased for the club and she was just the first one that got to use it.

They put a kiddy pool at one end of the barbell stage and she stripped her way over. At the top of the pole, they had a shower set up and when they hit the strobe light, she crawled over to the kiddy pool, dipped her long hair into it and flipped her head back. With that strobe light? Mesmerizing!

I used that shower set-up a few times myself. Ten’s had a couple of “Best Dancer” competitions and I entered them all. I didn’t actually care about being voted best, it’s just that the prize money was pretty great. I got second place ($250) when I wore the chaps, stripped out of them and did that same thing with my hair, that strobe light and that pool!

Still flipping my hair flirtatiously, Ruth!

The Regular Crowd Shuffles In

Part Three:

I wanted to finish this story that I started before the year ends so here’s the next bit about how Dave and I met….

Working at the clubs, we would have “regulars”. I think being a regular at a strip club is not a very good thing. I mean it’s not so bad if you come once a month with the guys or once every few months; but I’m talking about the guys we’d see once or twice a week and a couple that would come nearly every day. That’s just sad.

Of course, most of the regulars had nicknames that they didn’t know about and I’m going to tell you about them here. This isn’t for the eyes of minors or the delicate of composition – it’s a strip club, people! Nothing too disgusting, most of them actually made me laugh but I guess most “decent folk” may find it a bit gross.

At TD’s West, there was this older guy (had to be late 60’s/early 70’s) that we called The Flinker. He’d wear these khaki shorts that were mid-length (not super-short but not to his knees, sort of in-between). The whole time you were dancing for him (whether it was one song or 10 – 3 minutes each, mind you), he would be flinking his junk. That means he would flex his keigels (do men have those?) and just slightly bounce his peen the whole time. He got air dances from even the dirtiest of dancers (“air dancing” is dancing a good foot away from the customer). Flink, flink, flink…. the WHOLE time! It was actually a bit impressive but also super-gross. He never tried to touch anyone and he looked you in the face the entire time but it was probably to make sure you were looking and seeing what was going on in the groin area. Blech.

Another guy with a shorts problem was The Cyclist. He always showed up in his cycling outfit - the tiny hat, the skintight shirt, the special shoes that click into the pedals, the cycling shorts with padded bottom - and he'd get dances. Those shorts are too tight to be getting lap dances from sexy women. Ew.

There was another guy the girls called ShitMan. He carried a baggie and $100 cash. I’ll let you take it from there. Far as I know, no one ever took him up on his offer. (Gross!)

Then there was The Fisherman. When I started working the clubs, Regina warned me about him, even pointing him out to me so I’d know exactly who he was. He was this harmless looking, skinny guy who would get dances from all the girls he was attracted to and eventually would make them an offer – if he brought in a fish, would she slap him with it for $300. At this point the dancer would turn him down and he’d stop getting dances from her (and when I say he’d stop, I don’t mean just that day… he’d NEVER get another dance from her. I think maybe he was too embarrassed after he reveals his kink and gets turned down?). Regina said it was pretty easy money since it usually took him awhile to build up the courage to make his request and he paid for every dance after each song ended, tipping quite well along the way. He never got dances from me (not his type I guess) but I always ask anyway. [Aside: The thing about strip clubs, you ask everyone, every time you go ‘round the room. Enough beer, they all say yes eventually.] One day, he said yes! Regina was right; it took him nearly TWO HOURS to get the courage to make his request. I leaned over, gently gathered the front of his shirt in my hand, pulled him close and whispered in his ear, “Baby, for $300, I’ll beat the shit out of you with a Bass.” I was just joking, of course, but when I let him go, his mouth was agape, his eyes were agog and he sat back in silence. When he’d collected himself, he handed me a $100 dollar bill and left the building. Now, I didn’t work every day but I never saw him again!

The Painter was this morbidly obese guy who would come straight from work to the club. He always wore a white chambray shirt and jeans and it was covered in dried paint, like a house painter or something. He never showered (and from the smell of it, “never” is a little more literal then I care to remember) and he always looked super-pissed and never spoke a word. I’m a jokester so I’d always try to make him laugh or even crack a smile but it never worked. I always wondered what in his life made him look so angry all the time and I always wondered when I’d see him in the news after he snapped and went all postal somewhere, killing everyone around him…hoping it was never going to happen at the club because it’d be a bitch to try to run in those 6” stilettos!

Santa Claus would show up about every 3 months or so. He was a long-haul trucker and looked just like Santa on his time off. And he never came around during December. Hmmmm. (just kidding)

The Widower was just that. He never got dances but would pay you to just sit there and talk with him. Most of the girls hated it and wouldn’t sit with him; they don’t want to get to know you, they want to give you a dance (or 10) and leave. I didn’t mind, it was a nice break from standing in those heels and he was a nice, seemingly-normal guy (which probably means he killed his wife, right?). He’d talk to you for about 30-60 minutes, pay you the regular rate of the dances you would’ve done in that time, plus a healthy tip and he’d leave. He showed up about once every 3 months or so. He was lonely and sad and just wanted to chat.

Foot Guy would always take his sandals off and try to put his feet on your feet or lower legs. Gross! I would remind him that he wasn’t allowed to touch us and that touching with feet was still touching. I told him this diplomatically at first then I looked at him with a big smile but a voice that indicated I was about to kick his ass and said, “Don’t touch me.” I also put my stiletto on his foot and told him that if he stepped on me, I was going to step on him. He put his shoes back on and never tried that again with me. I would see him do the same to other girls and they’d never say anything to him but…. GAH, that’s so nasty!

Most of the other regulars were just normal guys that didn’t seem to have much of a life outside the club.

There was a gay guy who came with some friends and he was a sweet, flamer who would always compliment you on your outfit and say even though he was gay, he still loved “the boobies”. He always made me laugh!

One guy I remember that wasn’t a regular but I’ll never forget him…
He was there with an older man and the older man said, “Come give my nephew a dance!” So I did and halfway through the dance, the man said, “Make it an extra good one, girlie, he just got released from prison after a ten year stint.” I was a bit shocked at that and thought the man was kidding since the guy looked too young to have been in prison that long but then I took a look at the kid. He had a bunch of prison-like tattoos and a sort of dead look in his eyes. The part about his eyes may sound like I’m just being dramatic but I actually noticed that when I started dancing for him. His eyes reminded me of The Painter and it was a bit creepy. When his uncle told me about his prison time he got pissed, “Why do you have to tell people that? I served my time and I just want to forget about it.” He got about 5 dances from me and was polite and quiet and that was that. But I’ll never forget the hurt look in his eyes when his uncle laughed at him for getting mad about telling me.

There was a deaf kid (about 21 years old) who would come with his cousins. His cousins would get drunk and act like jerks (trying to touch and being rude) but he was always sweet and since I was taking a lot of ASL classes back then, he and I would sign to each other from across the room (or at the same table) and have a good laugh about his asshole cousins.

I guess that’s about all I remember of the regular crowd. Like I said, most guys that came to the clubs weren’t regulars and were just there to have some fun and blow off steam. It wasn’t a bad job and oftentimes was actually quite fun. But there were times/days that you just wanted to start smackin’ people. I guess in that respect, it was like any other job!

Remembering regularly, Ruth!

WIPorama

Several months ago, my friend Donna had a great idea for a WIP Cup to coincide with the World Cup. We started a Ravelry group and I actually got quite a few WIP's finished but I don't think I ever posted about them. Here they are...

The Chevron Scarf - started 3 years ago and never finished is now done. I adore the way Feather and Fan looks but I discovered I hate making it. It's not even hard, just boring.
I also discovered if you're going to take a pic of a blue-ish scarf, best not to take it on blue sheets.


This picture is much more true to color.

Way back in 2003 when I first started knitting, my LYS had two lone skeins of koigu on sale because they were different colors and not enough to make a pair of socks each. I bought both with no clue what I'd ever do with them. I didn't even knit socks back then! This scarf was perfect for them and I love it!

Next up, we have my Odessa hat. About 2 years ago, I received a luscious ball of this yarn in a swap, found the perfect beads, cast on for this, did the ribbing edge and tossed it in a bin. I have no idea why but maybe I was intimidated by the beads and the fact that I didn't understand how the swirlyness happened without moving stitch markers and such but it does! It just does and it's amazing!

I wore it all day when I finished it and am still waiting for it to actually be cold enough to wear it again.

Next up (and the thing I'm most proud of finishing) is the Bed Jacket of Doom. If you were here a couple of years ago, you know the saga behind this. Let's just keep it brief and say this pattern was kicking my ass. I finally finished the whole thing except the edging (even seamed the sleeves!) and threw it in the closet. With the WIP cup, I finished the edging. It took an entire skein of the Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece plus a little extra to do it! I'm actually thinking of pulling half the edging out but for now, it's finished.

Here's a shot of the little edging I put on the sleeves. I tried the original edging called for in the book but learned that I am NOT a fan of sawtooth edging - too court jestery for my tastes. Also, you need to knit miles of edging and sew it on?!? No thank you. I crocheted this edging on and it only took about a day.

I made this specifically for wearing about the house when it's chilly and I've been wearing the hell out of it lately! I'm one of those mean moms who says, "Leave the heater off, go put on a sweatshirt!"

The WIP on my list that I didn't finish are these chunky mitts. I was following a basic chunky knit pattern but the thumb seems to be way too high up!

I was also in the Ravelry 10 in 2010 group. My list changed quite a lot during the year (perfectly allowed within the group - yay!) and I finished 8 things so far with an easy goal for the last two to be done before the year ends.

I have already joined the 11 in 2011 group and next year they are allowing WIP's so I've got these mitts on that list. My list is pretty... impressive (read: stupidly large) but I think I will still manage it! We'll see. I'll post that list here soon....

WIPing away in Margaritaville, Ruth!

Halloween

The boys get very definite ideas of what they want to be at Halloween. I hear tale of kids who change their minds daily until the hour is nigh, not so my little ones!

Somewhere in August, D2 decided he wanted to be a skeleton. When the time came, we got him the skeleton outfit he picked out. It came with a matching mask but at the school party, they aren't allowed to wear masks so the night before, I went on youtube and found a tutorial for the skull make-up....


Here's a close-up (although I still haven't fully figured out my camera)....

I know he looks super-pissed in these photos but he was actually trying to not crack up the whole time. He said he didn't want to smile because I drew teeth so he didn't need to! I caught him smiling once...

T decided he wanted to be a spaghetti monster. That sort of morphed into just spaghetti. I wasn't really sure what he wanted but this is what we came up with...

He made most of this himself. I rolled the masking tape meatballs and he painted them. I cut the holes in the tablecloth poncho (he painted that too with splotches of sauce, looks like blood to me, but what're you gonna do, right?). I cut the cardboard and he covered it with tin foil, 80% of a skein of Lion Brand Wool (huge skein that!) and for the sauce, part of another skein of Vanna's Choice or some other cheap acrylicrap from Michael's. We used nearly a full can of spray adhesive!

When we were trick-or-treating, T got tons of compliments. One woman even yelled in to her house, "Come here! This is the one I was telling you about from school! Get the camera!!" Too funny!

The boys and Dave also carve pumpkins every year. They pick the pumpkin, draw what they'd like and Dave carves them. If you've been here at all, it's pretty easy to tell which pumpkin belongs to which kid....

(If you're new, the happy-go-lucky vampire is T's and the disemboweled one is D2's. It's pretty odd considering D2 hates anything even remotely scary on TV or in books!)

Hope you all scored lots of candy, Ruth!